Lately, I have been going through one rough season after another. I feel like I take one step forward and three steps back. I have been doing a lot of work on myself, like learning to handle my emotions and life experiences. It is just so hard. Every time something comes up, I initially handle it well. But as time goes by, it seeps inside of me and then I explode and I criticize myself and beat myself over it. This brings me a lot of anxiety and it makes me feel like I will not never be good enough and I don’t deserve to be loved or happy. It all just feels like an endless cycle of lessons that I don’t seem to grasping. I’m afraid that I push my friends away because I look for them to help and advice, but they can only handle so much.
Thanks for sharing Lisa. Your honesty and openness is wonderful. I’m sorry you are going through a rough season in your life right now. The downs in life can really push us to the bottom and make us feel hopelessness. I get it. I am going through that season right now as well. So much pain and darkness.
Lisa, you are absolutely not alone. God loves you and we love you here! You do deserve to be happy and to be loved, every day! I know it’s hard to feel that in the pain but it’s true. Our friends and close family members may mean well but they may not always be able to truly understand our pain. That is the beauty of the community here.
Stay strong my friend! You are amazing just as you are! 
- Geoffrey
Hi Lisa, I want to let you know that you are not alone with this. I too have been feeling this way recently, it feels like the ups and downs of life are continuously on the down side. That is amazing that you are working to handle your emotions and life experiences in a healthy way, keep at it. What we need to do as time goes on, we need to remember to continue being kind to ourselves even when all we want to to lose control and saying or doing something that won’t help in the long term. The anxiety is natural to what you are stressing about, but it does NOT mean you are not good enough or that you don’t deserve to be loved; those are LIES. You deserve happiness and love in the ways that you desire, and I want to encourage you be kind to yourself as you take the time you need to get there. I know the feeling that a rough season will never end, but the fact of the matter is that it will because it must. Don’t let however long these difficult times are discourage you from continuing to grow and learn, take what you can now and learn from it to help you get to where you want to be. Please don’t push your friends away, if they care about you they want you to trust them in helping you get through this rough patch you’re in. If they can’t handle it they will let you know, but don’t make that decision for them. Whatever happens, you are seen and heard here. You’re not alone, you’re loved.
Hold fast friend @Lisa
It can be really discouraging when you don’t feel like the efforts are working. Just remember that your best at any point in time is not going to be fixed. Do what you can do today, and Grace can help make up for what your best can’t cover.
I don’t chat with my friends about my struggles for a similar reasons. But finding places like this, where i can express myself and talk about any struggle i was without judgement helps. Lisa, i don’t know your full situation but there are plenty of us who would love to lend an ear and become friends with ya, because we are all humans and we all have struggles. I also highly recommend the book, Dwarf Planet by heart support, <3 it is great stuff and it really helped me through some of my depression. Best of luck and lots of love Lisa.
Video Response:
I also want to send you a sticker:
Hi Lisa,
You sound a lot like me. We seem to have that in common. But you know what? We all go through ups and downs. I often have moments where I’m doing really well, I take several steps forward and then something happens and it feels like I completely undid everything I just did. But, having a moment of weakness, break down, slip up or exploding doesn’t mean you are a screw up or not deserving of love. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough.
In life, we are always going through some sort of life experience that we will learn from. And sometimes we will have to learn things a couple of times before it sticks. That happens. It’s human.
But you are still very important, you still matter, you are still worth loving!
I can understand the struggle of going to friends because I have gone through that. I have been the friend in need and I have also been the helping friend. A lot of the time I am always open to my friends when they need a listening ear. The only time I struggle with it is when someone isn’t ready to be helped. When they don’t want to be helped and aren’t willing to try to do the things to get better. In these moments, yes, it can be very hard to know how to help someone. It’s hard to know how to handle that. But as a whole, I always offer open arms to my friends, loved ones and people on the wall. I try my best to offer compassion, a listening ear, helpful resources and advice if its wanted.
But that’s what the wall is for. Having a hard time opening up to friends? Were here to listen to you and offer you an encouraging word, support and love. You are loved unconditionally here. Okay? <3
I’m sorry you are struggling right now. But you do not have to go through this alone. Can you talk to a therapist at all? Is that a possibility? I know not everyone is able to do that. I am not either. But I did when I was able to.
So much love to you, friend. I hope that you are able to find strength and comfort.
Hold Fast
- Kitty