So I’ve been single for a long time. Tried dating and that was a nightmare. About a month and a half ago I met a girl who had some mutual friends. We went to elementary and highschool together and never even met. I honestly fell in love on the 2nd date and I don’t catch feelings fast. I never thought I’d be able to feel this way about someone again. Needless to say she felt the same way at least at first. We have only been apart 2 days since we started dating. I know that’s probably not a good thing. I just don’t want to be away from her. I was lonely for so long and haven’t been able to sleep at night since me and my last ex broke up. Ever since she’s been around I sleep like a rock. The day after me and her started dating I lost my job. So we spent a lot of time getting to know each other over the past couple of weeks. I’ve been stressed because I’m paying for both of our stuff and she’s basically been living with me and she’s in school right now so she doesn’t work. I’m not upset about that I understand she’s working toward a career it’s just made it hard not to be stressed. I got a new job about 2 weeks ago and it’s been a nightmare honestly and I know my stress from that is probably causing some problems too. Anyway like I said she’s been living with me, brought a bunch of stuff over, her dog has been here, got all her toiletries etc. she comes to me last night and says she wants me to take her back to her parents house. She needs time to “figure things out”. And I get needing space but this is like the second or 3rd time she’s acted this way. She usually changes her mind but she told me last night she feels like it’s a routine and she doesn’t like it. Whatever that means. I get that it’s not a good thing being up each others ass but the things she said hurt my feelings pretty bad. She was in a toxic relationship like me before we met and she’s definitely got her walls up. It’s like as soon as things start getting to good she wants to sabotage it. Some days she’s super lovey, does my laundry, writes notes for me on my mirror and other days she’ll hardly say a word to me like she hates me. I feel like I’m more of a convenience than anything. I really do love her I didn’t expect to but I do. I just wish she’d be more consistent in the way she acts towards me. I told her the ups and downs concern me and make me scared to get close to her. It’s hard not to feel like I’m being played with when one day I’m the best thing since sliced bread and the next it’s like I’m a gnat in her ear. She also won’t post any pictures with me. I’ve posted a few and were listed as in a relationship on Facebook. It just hurts my feelings it’s like she’s ashamed of me or trying to keep me a secret. Literally 4 days ago she was talking about bringing some more of her stuff over and now suddenly she wants to pack all her stuff up and go back home. She also has slept in my living room the past few nights and won’t come to bed. She’s up on her phone when I walked in the living room and I honestly feel like she’s messaging someone else. I’m not sure if that’s just me being paranoid because that’s what my ex did when she cheated on me but she’s just been acting weird and I don’t have a good feeling about it. I don’t believe her when she says she loves me but I haven’t told her that. I feel like she’s really impulsive she’s also really selfish and will ignore me blatantly sometimes and she told me it’s because sometimes she doesn’t care what I’m talking about. I don’t know sometimes she’s the sweetest person ever and then she’s cold and mean. I don’t feel like she’s ready for a relationship but I don’t want to just give up. I love her and she’s the first girl I’ve been with that all my friends and family actually like and I love spending time with her. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m tired of being run through the mud. I’m tired of dating and always feeling like I’m not good enough no matter what I do.
Hi Johnny,
Wow. This sounds like a ton. I can only imagine how chaotic and stressful this feels for you. You’re falling in love with each other, which feels awesome. Does it feel like it’s going to fast? As far as advice goes, this is my one piece: Try slowing things down. When she’s moving stuff over and things feel great, take a deep breath and talk about what’s good and why it’s good. When she’s getting distance, give her space and again deep breath. Write down how it feels and think about why. Talk with her about the good and the bad. I assure you, you are good enough. You are worthy of love. You got this!
Take care,
Satty
Hey friend. This sounds so difficult - i really appreciate you saying something and reaching out. The way you feel - the confusion and pain - it all makes sense and is so so so valid. I cant necessarily relate to your side of this, but I do relate to your partner’s behavior. Life just feels like a mess right now - HeartSupport / Support - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 31 July 2024 | Loom