Okay so I decided in new years that I was done being involved in my family drama. I told my mom and brother that, I felt like the backbone of the family and now the weighr has lifted from my shoulder. I told them not to tell me abojt anything unless its good news or something really important.
I went to GoodWill with my mother and I found an adorable antique doll with the cutest baby face. They wore overalls with clogs/shoes permanently attached to their body. I couldn’t figure out what gender they were so I decided to just make them go by any pronoun or gender.
I took them home and cut their hair into a short style. I’m thinking of buying or making clothes for them to wear. Something that looks good to wear with clogs.
I also noticed that overtime the more confident I got, the more I found myself getting into arguments with others. Not that I’m being mean or anything. And most of these occur online cause its basically my social life now. It’s like when I was passive, everyone was happy but now when I stand firm in what makes me happy and beliefs, some people get upset about it.
I hated when people were upset with me. I am rejection sensitive but the way I’ve been handling it so far is surprisingly well. And I started being a bit more vunerable, I can be vocal about what makes me upset or how someone made me feel. I want to embrace and nurture my sensitive side. So far it isn’t doing so good with my mother. She hates it and she gaslights me about the way I feel even though I don’t think she has any ill intent.
On the bright side, I found people who actually thought I was fun or interesting. Went back to this place online where I used to post. Met an old acquaintance, they said they thought about me. but didn’t want to envade my privacy. I guess its nice to know that I’m not forgotten by people. Among other people I used to talk to. It was like a warm welcome. They were like, “Is that really THE amaris?” And it flattered me to the max.
I also feel a bit more inspired to draw again. Even if it doesn’t look too great, I just wanna have fun. I still wish I had my old sketchbook, my imagination was at its peak during that time and I threw it away during a depressive episode. I still remember every single one of those characters I made. And I love all of them(though I hate to say I have favorites) but sometimes I treat them like they’re my children and talk to them in my head.
it sounds so awesome that you’re finding your voice, and finding back your love for all the things you enjoyed creating! That’s so great to hear and it sounds like a blast the way the doll was a way for you to inject some creativity there too!
I’m so glad that you were able to stand up more for yourself too, that is such awesome progress. Hoping that the family dynamic keeps improving and that you have a great year!
Hey @Amaris this is really good to hear! I think there’s a difference between being argumentative and standing up for yourself. You used the word passive, so from my understanding you can stand up for yourself now, which is really good and something to celebrate. It makes your boundaries clear and you’ll be safer and happier. There is also strength in being vulnerable, but I understand when people react negatively to it. It’s really good how you’re managing these reactions, you definitely don’t have to internalize them. It’s also great that you’re reconnecting with people, that must have sounded like a great interaction!
I’m happy that through this you have also found inspiration for your creativity. It’s honestly one of the best feelings in the world as an artist tbh, cos you know you’re gonna put into reality your ideas. If you don’t mind sharing your art, I’d love to see them! Character creation is super cool too and you sound like you have your own style. I’m excited for you! Much love, stay safe, and I wish you an awesome year of growth and happiness <3
I’m so happy to hear you are starting the new year off in a good mood! Our mood and mindset truly paves the way for our future. It’s so very wonderful to hear you wanting to draw again!! Keep to and cling to what makes you happy! That is the true start to understanding how to be truly at peace within. I’m so proud of how far you have come with what gives you struggle!! You matter and you got this!!! Looking forward to seeing some of that art !! Much love and light to you and yours!
Hello again, Amaris! It sounds like your 2022 is starting off on such a positive note and I’m so proud that you are embracing the good in life and getting to know some new people and reconnect with old friends. That’s always such a fun thing to do. That’s too bad you threw out that old sketchbook. Are you going to try redrawing the characters in the book as you remember them? I hope you keep drawing and keep looking on the upside of life. I look forward to hearing from you again, Amaris. Happy 2022!!
Hi Amaris, just wanted to say how lovely it is to see such a great post and how proud i am that you have come so far, stick with the positive thinking and keep doing what you are doing because it is clearly working well for you. take care friend, I look forward to hearing how it all goes throughout the year. Much Love Lisa.
Hi @Amaris I have a big fear of my friends abandoning me too. I’m happy that you found friends that make you feel seen. I know how hard it is to go thru the emotions of feeling people can just walk out of your life on a dime. I hope that you can make good friends and feel safe in this new community. I have been drawing a lot lately too. It’s very relaxing and helps calm the noisy thoughts in my head. I can relate to how you love doing it. Take care! ~Mystrose
Hi Amaris, I’m very glad to hear that you’ve started this year in a positive way. It’s very nice that your friends welcomed you and you’re getting along with them well I’m sure you can start drawing cool art again
I’m sure you can start drawing cool art again