Okay so I decided in new years that I was done being involved in my family drama. I told my mom and brother that, I felt like the backbone of the family and now the weighr has lifted from my shoulder. I told them not to tell me abojt anything unless its good news or something really important.
I went to GoodWill with my mother and I found an adorable antique doll with the cutest baby face. They wore overalls with clogs/shoes permanently attached to their body. I couldn’t figure out what gender they were so I decided to just make them go by any pronoun or gender.
I took them home and cut their hair into a short style. I’m thinking of buying or making clothes for them to wear. Something that looks good to wear with clogs.
I also noticed that overtime the more confident I got, the more I found myself getting into arguments with others. Not that I’m being mean or anything. And most of these occur online cause its basically my social life now. It’s like when I was passive, everyone was happy but now when I stand firm in what makes me happy and beliefs, some people get upset about it.
I hated when people were upset with me. I am rejection sensitive but the way I’ve been handling it so far is surprisingly well. And I started being a bit more vunerable, I can be vocal about what makes me upset or how someone made me feel. I want to embrace and nurture my sensitive side. So far it isn’t doing so good with my mother. She hates it and she gaslights me about the way I feel even though I don’t think she has any ill intent.
On the bright side, I found people who actually thought I was fun or interesting. Went back to this place online where I used to post. Met an old acquaintance, they said they thought about me. but didn’t want to envade my privacy. I guess its nice to know that I’m not forgotten by people. Among other people I used to talk to. It was like a warm welcome. They were like, “Is that really THE amaris?” And it flattered me to the max.
I also feel a bit more inspired to draw again. Even if it doesn’t look too great, I just wanna have fun. I still wish I had my old sketchbook, my imagination was at its peak during that time and I threw it away during a depressive episode. I still remember every single one of those characters I made. And I love all of them(though I hate to say I have favorites) but sometimes I treat them like they’re my children and talk to them in my head.
I think I’ve started off the year in a good mood.
I’m sure you can start drawing cool art again