Life update... im kinda stuck tbh

[Misty]

Man it’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I’ve been feeling really awful recently and I think I just need to vent. I guess I’ll start with the obvious thing I’m upset about. Yesterday, a family friend had a birthday party so the usual people (other families and their kids) were invited. I hang out with this one guy who’s my age (he’s the son of the birthday guy) and at first I thought he’d be a great friend. He reached out to me after my breakup and thought he was really encouraging. But I had a few “gut feelings” that he isn’t the kind of person I want to be friends with. I don’t want to say he’s not a good person, maybe our values just don’t align. He started talking badly about a co-worker at his new job… I don’t want to get into details but this has really rubbed me the wrong way. It made me think that he will do the same thing to me. I avoided him at a previous party, and that was fine because he had his other group of friends there. I was pretty tired yesterday so I didn’t even want to socialize but he started a game of charades with me and the people around our age group, including my siblings, and that’s how I ended up talking to him. I think I’m going to interact less with him. He’s done nice things for me, but I just don’t feel completely safe with him at this point.

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In other news… there hasn’t been much going on in my life. I haven’t been drawing or doing art. It’s upsetting me a lot. I’ve been trying to make small sketches of ideas and trying to finish this one piece I’ve been working on, but I just lose motivation. I hope I get back into it soon.

I’ve also been feeling sad about being single. I hate putting it that way because it feels like I’m desperate to date. But it’s more like, I wish I had someone to love. I wish I had someone to laugh with. I have a crush on someone I can’t be with and it feels so childish but it hurts a lot. They make me laugh, and I’m just genuinely attracted to them. I feel like I’ve lived too much in my daydreams with them that fantasy is better than reality. I get so sad when I’m hit with the reality that I don’t know if I can find someone I can love and loves me back and treats me right. I’m kind of terrified of dating. I don’t know how to meet people or even ask them out… I don’t know if anyone would ask me out. Even if they did I’m worried that they’re not the right person for me or they’ll hurt me. I dunno. It feels so stupid to me because I’ve put this expectation on myself that I’m okay on my own, but I do miss being in a relationship. This is all so complicated to me. I never really talked to anyone about these feelings.

Thanks for reading as always <3 I feel bad about coming back here and just dumping all this but I really trust that I can talk about this here.

[Sita]

hey now, you feel free to dump those words and emotions as MUCH as you need, okay friend?

Having an unattainable crush can be …crushing (sorry, a dad joke snuck up on me and i couldn’t get away from it!), but if you look at it the right way, then it can be used to help you. You say the fantasy is better than the reality, right? That’s because the fantasy is what you’d like. If you can focus on those things in the fantasy version that make you happy (the things they say, the things they do, how you feel, the way you are with them), it’s more about YOU that it is about the fantasized person. You can use it to get an idea of how you want to be treated, what makes you happy, and the person you are when you’re safe and secure. It’s not silly at all if you use all the mental and emotional energy generated by fantasies to learn about yourself!

Thank you for the update, it’s always good to see you. I hope you can get to do some more art and pour yourself into it more. And I’m glad you’re trusting your gut around people, and knowing that you have the right to speak and interact with someone as much as you choose. As always, you matter friend, so much

[mishsim]

Hi there @Misty

Regarding the first portion of your post, I’m going to say trust your instincts, especially if this guy seems less than genuine or talks badly of others. It’s OK just leaving things as civil conversations/ family get together acquaintances.

As far as loneliness, lack of inspiration and trying to put oneself out there can be a challenge.

As a socially awkward person I can really relate to being scared of dating but wanting something. Also I relate to the awkward crushes(ugh I crushed on a manager who was totally a jerk but my brain didn’t see it). I feel pretty lucky myself for my partner I’ve had for a long time now.

Things I’ve found helpful with meeting new people and making new relationships include using social sites like meet up, next door, Facebook groups, etc., and dating sites for the romantic side of things. I used a couple sites at the time but I’m not sure what is out there these days. However fair warning online dating can feel incredibly shallow.

It can be really hard to put yourself out there, so please give yourself some grace too. Idk it can be fun to try new groups or friendships out even if it doesn’t work out too.

Lastly, don’t forget to do something positive for yourself and boost that confidence. For example I’ve been feeling kinda in a slump lately, but I’ve been choosing to dress more coordinated outfits and do light makeup for fun and practice while working at home.

Hearts to hearts <3 Mish

[DiscordReply]

From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, misty! I’m glad you trusted your gut about that guy enough to not pursue a friendship with him.

Maybe you should try finding a really close friend. Someone you can love and laugh with who isn’t a romantic relationship. I can attest to those being some of the most important relationships you will ever find and can be so much closer than romantic relationships if you can find the right person/people to share with. Especially while your heart is aching over this crush you cannot be with. From what I’ve learned from most of my friends when you try to find a romantic relationship you tend to find ones that don’t last, but when you aren’t looking and you are just enjoying life with yourself and your friends is when you can find someone who will fit into your life the way you need and would really want. The old cliché that you find love only when you stop looking.

I hope you can find a really good friend to trust with your secrets and laugh together until neither of you can breathe. They are the best friends. And I hope you find your passion for your art again. Just keep being you, misty, and trust yourself

[DiscordReply]

From: twixremix

hey misty! your icon is adorable :] thank you for being here on the support wall! i’m really happy you can trust your gut instinct on that guy from the party, you don’t ever have to force a friendship with someone who does more harm than good to both yourself and those around you. prioritize your safety and trust the distance you feel comfortable with putting between you and him. for the second part of the post, i can tell you confidently that you are not alone in all these feelings you described. i read each sentence thinking, “dang, misty is putting feelings i’ve pushed to the back of my thoughts out into words.” it’s hard, it can be frustrating and confusing. especially when trust has been broken before in relationships and/or you’ve been hurt too many times, it’s hard to get back out there. i would offer better advice than “you aren’t alone,” but i don’t don’t even have the answer to this same dilemma for my own life hahah all i know is that when you feel ready to start dating, don’t be afraid to take chances, know that dating is meant to find the right person, and that you can cut it off at any point when you aren’t comfortable. i believe in you, my friend. love, twix

[DiscordReply]

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi @Misty I just wanted to say well done for trusting your instincts and keeping away from your co-worker after you didn’t feel comfortable being around him. Better safe than sorry. I hope you can find someone to share your life with and fill that place in your heart that aches for companionship. Take the time now to enjoy being single tho and try to find some friends and make some memories. ~Mystrose

[Misty]

Hi everyone <3 I’m sorry for replying late to this thread. I’ve been spending less time online just to take a break, and also been pretty busy with my room makeover (it’s FINALLY happening lol)

@Sita, I mentioned you in my other post. First of all, when I first read your reply, your dad joke made me chuckle so keep throwing em out lol!! What you said has really changed my mindset, and it has really helped strengthen me especially in my moving-on phase from my breakup. I don’t know how to explain it, but it has also made me less concerned about how other people see me because I know who I am and I know what I want. I’ve just been feeling so good and positive overall. I’m pretty busy, but I’ve got a lot of ideas for my art and I just can’t wait to finish them! I’ll share them here too! You matter too, and I’m always glad to see you here

@mishsim thank you for your reply and I apologize for my delayed response! He invited me to a party at his place again and I politely declined. I think it’s for the best. I’m pretty busy anyway! I totally agree with you about dating! I think once I really start putting myself out there either at uni or when I pursue a career I want, I’ll have better chances. I’m not an online dater myself, I’m terrified of it! I don’t know how other people can do it Dating is not too important for me right now to be looking online though, and all in all I’m okay with being single. I’m just used to being in a relationship for a long time, so I do miss the company. But I think pursuing a serious connection with another person takes time and effort and I’ve just got a lot of things going on right now for that lol! I really appreciate your advice too, and I’ve been styling my hair differently recently. I’ve kind of got an idea with what I wanna do with it, but I need to grow it out first. I really appreciate your response Mish and I hope you’re doing well <3

@ eloquentpetrichor
Thank you for your reply! I’ve been trying to reach out, make new connections, and strengthen existing ones. My best friend lives in another country. My brain/anxiety used to tell me that she doesn’t really care about me and that her other friends are better. This has been something that I’ve experienced my whole life with my friends. I was always insecure that she didn’t see me as her best friend too, but now I’ve come to terms that it’s fine however she sees me because we’ve been chatting recently and I feel that she really appreciates me as a friend. I hope that I get to visit her again. I do believe that I’ll find love when I stop looking lol life is funny that way. I guess that’s why I’m not in a rush, or feel like I have to actively seek someone to date. I don’t mind just living in the moment!

@ twixremix
Hi twix! Thanks for your reply I agree, I feel a lot better after knowing that I can choose whether or not to engage with this person. I can remain a neutral friend, it doesn’t mean that I hate him or think negatively of him. I know now though that this isn’t the sort of vibe I’m okay with being involved in, and I know that while socializing with the group can be great, I can get exhausted and I should listen to my body when it says I need to rest or back off from a situation. I feel you though! I’m glad I’m not alone in this and you’re right, like with the friend at the party, I can choose to end a relationship if it doesn’t work out. It’s just so funny how my mind works, I used to believe I couldn’t date again after my breakup (“they were the only one for me!” kinda thing lol), and having a crush helped cope with that in a funny way. I’m glad you’re here, friend, thank you for your kind words <3

@ Mystrose
Hey Myst! Thanks for replying I’m hopeful too, that I will find somebody! It’s funny because most of the time I am pretty content being single… my feelings are strange lol. I find myself most days pretty chill doing my thing, then sometimes I long for a relationship, and then sometimes I think it’ll be too much to juggle with where I am in life! I don’t know how others do it. But I have plenty of things to look forward to, and I’m glad I have the support of this community, my friends, and family <3

[Sita]

i shall indeed include as many dad jokes as I can! hehe
really happy to hear that you felt strengthened by it! That’s so awesome! You are a fountain of strength, just needed a little reminder!