So remember in my lat topic how my mental health was slowly recovering? Well, all of that was cut short when my dad found out that I might’ve done poorly on a math test (the grade hasn’t been official or even annonced as of writing this). He got really upset with me and decided to take some very strict measures.
Firstly, he took away my laptop and is now kept in his bedroom. And secondly, he decided that he’ll be “tutoring” me every night, until I get at least two decent grades at math.
Now, I understand that he wants to help me be better at math and have good grades, but in my opinion, this is going to far. Usually, meditations are organized and take place every few days, with an actual teacher experienced in said subject. But the way my dad does it, is start at 8pm and do nothing but exercises until 10 or even 11pm. And when I struggle with how to do certain things, he berates me for how slow I am and how I keep freezing up and how I’ll fail the test easily…
And all of this has been stressing me out a lot. The reason I think I might be struggling with some of my classes is because of some kind of learning disorder. But the last time I suggested to my dad that I might possibly have adhd, it did not go so well (but that’s a story for another topic).
In general, this might go on in the span of a few weeks. But I have to worry about other things besides math. My mom has already made this point, how I already have decent grades for my level (6-7 precisely), and that he shouldn’t be as harsh as he is when “teaching”.
I’ve wanted to do other things to get out of the house lately (like joining a horse riding club, sharing more of my art on insta, etc.). But none of this is possible when I’m being forced to take these “meditations” late at night with the one person I have the worst relationship with.
In general, I just don’t know how to handle all of this…
I understand that your dad wants you to be successful in school. However, he got to remember that each person has a different learning style. There are fast & slow learners. It’s super ridiculous for your dad to force you practiced math at 8-11pm. Does your dad not know that sleep is important? It’s necessary to sleep to do well in test.
My parents are kind of opposite of yours. They didn’t care if I pass or fail the test. When I fail a test, my parent literally told me at least you try. Grades doesn’t matter in life. They noticed at least that I study hard for a test. My parents didn’t want me to focus school so much. You need to do some hobbies and take a break of school. I get stressed out if I don’t reward myself.
There is nothing embarrassing having ADHD. In America, you have the right to maintain IEP or accommodations for test and homework. You will be in a quiet room to take a test in school & college. A good benefit of having IEP is time extension on your test.
You can tell your parents my story if you want too. It’s your choice. I know a teacher that has ADHD-C (mixed with hyperactivity & impulsivity) . I used to fail all classes in elementary and middle school. My teachers in the past told me I wasn’t going to be successful with my learning disorder. When I had IEP, it changed my whole life to become successful in high school. I had a Summa Cum Laude (4.2 GPA) & top 37% class in high school with ADHD-C. Not to brag, but I did got invited some letter from 2-4 ivy leagues to be in a conference to meet with a billionaire owner of Google or travel abroad in Europe. I sleep like 9pm and still passed my test in high school. It’s hard to study at night because you are literally about to fall asleep.
Your parents will like this story. I used accommodations in college too. During my freshman year in college, my college algebra professor hated how I was late and learned slowly. You know what’s funny. I was the only person that passed her class with an A. The professor told me if I have got A’s in three test that I could exempt my final exam. I remembered how shocked & pissed my math professor because I didn’t need to take her final exam. You got to prove that ADHD doesn’t mean you will fail in life. Recently, I got accepted to grad school with 3.8 GPA.
I hope my story inspires you. My parents make mistakes and they apologized. Your dad can’t forced to do things that you hate. You are a human overall. Give me update on how your parents react to my story. You are special person and learned differently than others. There is nothing wrong with that.
Cora, I understand. Let me start off on one thing, ADHD. So I have a therapist and she’s already told my parents that I have a good amount of ADHD, and my dad won’t have it. I know you said it’s a different topic for a different story, but unfortunately I have to speak what’s on my mind. I have a feeling when you said you told your dad and it didn’t go well, well mine is the same way. Whenever I even mention it, my dad yells at me and says to stop making excuses and it’s bullcrap. Normally, i’m a very sensitive person so most of the time I go to my room and my day is ruined.
Now I know this isn’t about me, but stuff like this is common. My dad and stepmom would yell at me if I ask for help. So for example, homework. This is why I never ask them for help with homework. Especially math. I used to struggle with math and like most strict parents, they would yell at me if I even got one question wrong. And they would take my phone, so it made me shake in fear and stuff. So most of the time, I was really tense around them and it was the reason I would get questions wrong.
Lets get this straight though, your dad is totally invalid by doing this to you. He is putting way too much on you and he’s even keeping you up. If he wants you to do good on the test, then he should let you rest. it’s unhealthy and it’ll give you anxiety and stress.
That’s super sad @riirii! Just remember that I’m proud of whatever you accomplish in life. My cousin grew up with a strict mother that lead her to fall into depression. Parents got to remember that your child will never be perfect but have flaws. You can’t forced other to do something that you hate.That was a good idea for you to ignore your strict parents. I hope you are doing okay at home with your parents.
I appreciate that @toastaintbad! Honestly, I have to kinda live like that just in a cycle that goes on and on. As soon as I get the chance to get out the house, I definitely will. Thank you for that support
Funnily enough, that was also what happened when I suggested to my parents that I could be neurodivergent.
It all started when I was 13, and I was just scrolling through YouTube until I found a video called “Life of someone with ADHD” or something like that, I can’t remember it right.
And it perfectly captured my daily life, that I genuinely cried. It was the first time I’ve ever felt seen or understood, and it also made me realise a few things about myself. So, I decided to show it to my mom first. Although she didn’t really understand what was going on, at least she tried to be supportive. And as a way to try and help, she recommended I show it to my dad because “he got a psychology degree, so he should know better about this topic”.
But when I went up and told him I might have adhd and tried to show the video to him, he just looked at me dead in the eyes and said “but you don’t have adhd”. This man then proceeds to tell me that not only it was impossible for me because I perform so well in school, but then tells me that it’s just a part of my temperment (aka “just a personality quirk”). Not to mention he also gave “examples” of the main singer of maroon 5 (a grown man that was already diagnosed and medicated), but also a bratty little boy making a scene from a condom ad (I am not joking when I say that was exactly how it happened in that order.)
I felt as though I was slapped in the face by an idiot. And it made me feel so bad about myself, that I had a panic attack shortly after.
I still have no idea on how or why he thought it was even a good thing to do when your child says they might have a neurological disorder. It almost reminds me of old offensive autism stereotypes. Because back in the 90’s, 80’s and possibly before that, the only thing that was known about autism was that it appeared in young white boys that caused them to be a menace and be obsessed with trains. My dad completely disregared about the variety of possibilities in adhd, autism and the neurodivergent community as a whole.
I’ve never said a word about my possible disorder from that day forward. It made me feel that, if I were to ever suggest I’m a part of a minority group, he’ll get very angry and say I’m just making things up.
That sounds unfortunate. You are pretty correct about the stigma of autism & adhd in the 70-90s. Times have changed now. People are more opened being neurodivergent. There is nothing wrong watching YouTube videos to understand the symptoms of ADHD & autism. You wanted to know why you behave a certain way.
My parents noticed how different I was growing up a child. They noticed how I organize things and my face expressions always look blank. For autistic people, we like to be alone most of the time. I do have friend but I rather spend being alone. When I’m alone, I’m absorbed to learn some random facts or focus more on an hobby. Autism isn’t about intellectual but more of social & interest issue. I get upset when things don’t fit in my schedule. That always drive me nuts. I wished my parents took me to the doctor and diagnosed me with autism, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. It would have made my life much easier to control as an adult. There are smart people with Autism & ADHD.
I recommend others to get psychological testing done as a child & teenager. Last year, I had to pay around $700 to get tested for autism by a neuropsychologist. When you are teenager, health insurance will cover the cost much cheaper for teens to see a psychiatrist & neuropsychologist. I had to pay $80 for copay to get diagnosed for ADHD. You go to the primary care doctor and discuss about ADHD & autism. They would send you a referral to a health professional for verification. As a teenager, you could bring your mom to discuss being neurodivergent. It looks your relationship with your dad is kind of rough.
How does your dad know if you have ADHD & autism? He is not you!!! Where is his medical professional license? He can’t be the one to diagnose with a learning disabilities. There are people in internet that loved to act a certain mental health & learning disorder for attention. I just don’t get it to be honest. That’s probably why your dad thinks that ADHD & autism are quirks. There are stereotypes for mental health & learning disorder due to culture & social media. That can bring a negative influence. My cousins, family, and employees asked me about ADHD, autism, and bipolar disorder. They were shocked how normal I function. You could asked me anything for ADHD & autism if you aren’t sure.
What level of autism do I have?
I have Asperger syndrome known as Level 1. There are like three levels of Autism.
Although I have done my research on symptoms for people my age, it did help to refresh my memory on this topic.
But despite how much I want to go to an appointment and get an official diagnosis, it’s going to be a pain to convince my parents. Because where I live in Romania, life is a lot harder as a minority group. Due to a mix of a lack of resources, heavy religious influnce and deep rooted stigma, it’s a lot harder to get a diagnosis on something like neurological disorders. And even if you somehow manage to do so, you’ll be treated a lot more differently than a white, cis-hetero, abled Christian person.
Unfortunately, most minorities here (especially young teens/ children) are often treated like scum of the earth for being different, even if you did nothing wrong. That’s why I’m also scared of coming out to my parents about being a queer kid, because I’m terrified my dad will try to deny my identity or even worse.
It also doesn’t help that you get treated different just for being different in general. And now with the rise of the “alpha male” mindset, it’s getting worse with every single day.
In short, as much as I appreciate your help on something like this, it’s gonna take a lot of time to convince my parents to get me diagnosed.
I grew up in Asian culture. When my parents came to America, they got to let go the old traditions & culture. I’m always thankful for my parents that are open-minded. My parents are getting older so their mindset changed a lot. I’m also a queer too. They kind of accepted on my mental health issues & sexual orientation. Most Asian people aren’t friendly to queer & mental health disorders. My parents had tons of things to worry about than be part of my personal life. You don’t have to come out your dad if you feel uncomfortable. HeartSupport and I always support whatever decision or path that you take.
I totally agree with the “alpha male” mindset is getting worse everyday. It’s really scary too. I supported feminist people but now they are accusing men for the wrong reasons. That’s not what feminism is about. Does this mean I am feminist? Of course not. I believed in a certain balance between women & men. For men, it’s okay for guys to not be strong, have skincare routine, can cry if you are feeling down, and like cute things. All women need to remember that all males don’t know how to fix certain things. It took my mom for a while to noticed that men aren’t perfect at fixing everything. Do I believed in equality rights for women & men? Yes, I feel both genders deserved the same minimum wage. What does gender stereotypes got to do something we enjoy? It’s your life to do whatever you want! I respect people’s religion & beliefs as long you are not disrespectful to me. People got to remembered that not everyone is going to agree your opinion.
I agree with this topic. For years now, women have been known for being treated unequally and unfairly. And yes, just because a human being is born male, I believe it isn’t the best to assume they can do everything just because they are men. And I believe since i’m Trans, (perfectly okay if you don’t support) I go by a boy and I like cute things. And for a fact, people would expect me to do things that sometimes I definitely couldn’t; which is wrong. And honestly, I’m not strong at all. I will admit, i’m a bit lazy. I love to stay outside, and I definitely love nighttime. But back onto the topic, Like @toastaintbad said, not all men are gonna be perfect. And everyone has their own personalities!