I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I just can’t handle taking another breath. There’s so much shit going on that I can’t deal with. I deal with anxiety and panic attacks that make it miserable for me to leave my house. It feels like this anxiety is in control of my life. I deal with depression that has me feeling like nothing matters and that I’m worthless and invisible. Any time that I’m around people no one ever even acknowledges me because I’m such a loser with nothing to give. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve stopped going out as much as possible because no one will notice that I’m gone anyway… maybe I’m better off dead. I’m also dealing with anger/hatred. This stems from the fact that no one gives a shit about me or cares to see how I’m doing or cares to have a conversation with me. I’m surrounded by “christian” people that are supposed to be loving and caring and no one has ever just stopped to talk to me about something that’s more than just small talk. This has caused me to be very bitter and angry towards christians and the church and just people in general. My family has also had a falling out. My parents are going through a divorce right now. I live with my dad and older brother. My dad is intensely sad and my brother is crazy angry and I’m just in such a toxic environment. No one really understands how I feel about it because they just assume that I’m unhappy about the divorce when in reality I’m unhappy about the environment I’m living in with all of this hostility and sadness not the divorce itself. I think that the divorce is a good thing and that everyone will benefit from it but no one in my family cares to understand my opinion and view point. All of this bullshit is making me feel suicidal and like nothing matters. Nothing will ever get better and no one will ever care about how I feel. Everyone would be better off if I was gone… not like anyone would notice anyways. If you’ve read this far I’m sorry for making this so long but I just have a lot going on and need to get it off my chest.
Hi there. Please,hold on. As much time as you can. I know it’s not much,but I care about you. And I’m 100% sure that you are a great person. I know anxiety and depression are really difficult to deal with,experiencing them every day of my life,but I just think we need to believe. Believe in those who have gotten through this crap before us. If they did,why not you? You need to keep going because it will get better. If you need anything I’m always here and I care. Seriously
It sounds like you are going through a lot. It can be deeply painful to feel like no cares. It can be extremely difficult and burdensome to live in a toxic environment. It can become almost lonely to be misunderstood, and for people to think you’re feeling unhappy due to one thing (the divorce) when you’re really unhappy because of something else (the environment you’re living in). I’m sorry you’re having to carry all these burdens. It would be difficult for anyone.
But, friend, don’t let these things be the reason to give up. Things can get better. Maybe not today or even a few months from now. But one day you will be out of your dad’s house. You won’t be stuck in this terrible environment forever. It may seem like forever, because you just want out. I hear you on that, if that is what you are thinking. But, better days will come.
You are not a loser. You have something to give, even if you can’t see it. To prove my point, what are some ways you can reach out to others or make their day brighter? It can even be something small like holding a door open for some stranger who is pushing a stroller into a store and doesn’t have enough hands to hold the door. Or even responding to some of the posts in this community. You have SOMETHING to give. You just need to find it within yourself to see it.
Hold on. You may feel like dying is the answer. But you have so much to live for. You may not see it right now. But someday you will look back and see how it was worth it to stick around.