Literally this started cause I left my car light was turn on and nothing happen. I’m at my cottage in Maine, and it park in my drive. However, I still had very impulse thought, thinking how much of a retard I am and how I could done something so stupid. I literally had walk around in the rain and I kick the tree. I talk shit about my friend doing the same thing. And I can’t help my self, I flip over the most dumbest shit ever. Then thought of me just punching my skull and just beating up people come into my mind.
After that I just snap at my friend, I get so abusive and just explode on people. I’m such a shitty person.
Been going to DBT meetings for mouth and been taking medication. Still I act fucking mental person, and can’t control my abusive behavior. Haven’t been able to see my therpist for awhile and start to bothering me. Can’t be the person who I want to be, I just want to be an okay normal fucking person. I can’t never get there, I’m such a fucking asshole, and fucking moron.
Hey, I get it.
I’m just like you.
But people say that things get better, and we have to believe them. Because as of right now, that’s our only hope. You may be have abusive behaviours, but don’t you truly feel bad for it? That means that you aren’t half as bad as some other people out there. A lot of people think that it’s better to be abusive and not feel bad for it all than to feel bad for your behaviour. But I don’t think so. Because if you don’t feel bad for things that you know are wrong, then are you really human? It’s part of being human to have a moral compass, I think. Without a moral compass, you aren’t really human.
And it’s because you’re human that you’re imperfect. But that’s okay. You’ll always be imperfect, but you’ll keep finding ways to make yourself better. You’ll keep finding ways to make yourself better than you are.
Post on here, if you aren’t able to see your therapist. We won’t be as good as your therapist, but we’ll try to help.
So it’s okay.
Don’t worry, it’ll all turn out just fine.
hi metalskater, i want to say how spot on @aashiqui was in their response. if i could echo something aashiqui said, the part about you having remorse of your actions proves how you’ve already taken one step to ending any abusive behaviors. whether it’s connecting back with your therapist again or trying breathing/calming techniques when your anger flares up, there are ways for you to get to your goal of getting better. i know that once you abandon the violent tendencies and self-hatred speak, your life will be the one you want it to be. i believe in you fully and confidently, my friend. let me know if i can support you further on this journey of amelioration. love, twix
I think the transparency you show in your post is really telling of your character. You show remorse for your abusive behaviors, and you’re already getting help by going to DBT meetings, getting medication and going to therapy. That’s a massive step! And it’s part of why I wholeheartedly believe you can make it and be the person you wanna be. I see how hard you’re working towards this goal and how badly you want to change for the better. I understand your anger issues, and I deal with something similar. You’re not alone in this and I hope you keep on working towards what you want to be, because I absolutely see you improving. Don’t give up!
