Living Alone For the First Time and Struggling

Hi everyone, I’m new to this forum. Nice to meet you all.
I moved from my hometown to a brand new city for work this week and I’ve been having a rough time. I’m 23 and this is my first time living alone and all my friends and family are two timezones away.
The silence of my apartment really messes with me sometimes. I feel alone and scared. I’ve always been the anxious type that worries needlessly about mundane things, but it’s been worse recently. I feel overwhelmed when I think about how I have to figure everything out myself.
I agreed to move for work because I thought it would be a growing and learning opportunity but… now I’m just thinking about how much more relaxing and better life would be if I had just stayed with my family. I wish I could go back to being a kid (but I guess that’s pretty common).
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to listen to my thoughts.

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Welcome to Heart Support.

There was a time when I had nothing but the TV to keep me company. Yes, moving is a growing and learning experience. Even if you suffer for a while, the independence you’ve attained will be of great benefit, even if you decide to go home. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is usually the first step in really getting to know yourself and finding opportunities of interest.

Spend some time on the phone with family/friends who can help you. You can also video chat.

New friendships will form, perhaps from work, at a gym, or in your community. I actually became comfortable with aloneness. Indeed the best friends or life partners are those who can be independent and alone for a while. That’s because when two independent people get together, it’s for the pure enjoyment of it, instead of feeling emotionally dependent, and perhaps co-dependent.

You’ve only been there for a week. You are likely to feel a lot more comfortable in a month.

It is possible to suspend adulthood for an hour or two as needed. You just have to do it during your off hours.

Are you allowed to have a kitten or a rabbit? That reminds me, I used to go to the animal shelter and spend time with the dogs, taking them for walks and training them in order to make them more adoptable. Maybe you can do something like that, or other form of volunteering. I also spent time with nursing home patients.

You’re getting to know yourself in ways you never would have if you’d remained at home. You’re way stronger than you think. You may even find it easier to be the person you want to be.

Please stay in touch, Wings

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Thank you for your encouraging words. Even though it’s tough and uncomfortable right now, I will try my best. Since this is my first real job I’m having to learn how to be an adult while also adjusting to my new life. It helps knowing that my family, friends, and this community have my back. I would love to stay in touch.

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi sandwich333, welcome to the forum, thank you for trusting us. I’m sorry you’re feeling alone and overwhelmed in a new city. It’s got to be scary and I can see why you’re having second thoughts about your decision to move there for your job. It’s only been a week and I’m sure you’re still unpacking and decorating your new place. That’s exciting! One way to meet people and make new friends is to get out there and look for places in your city where people your age hang out. If you are religious, you can find a church to attend and most have activities for singles. Go explore the city see what you can find. You can even befriend someone at work if there is anyone you can see as a friend. These are just some suggestions, give yourself some time to adjust to things. Take care! ~Mystrose

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From: Rohini_868

Hii there sandwich,

Love the username! Living in a new place means getting to know the rhythm of that living space as well as the new city around you. I love to suggest getting a water feature like a water fountain because this is a fast and simple way to change the ambiance in your space, and maybe bring some tranquiltiy too.

Assuming you may like sandwiches, maybe you can start a weekly session with your friends and family back home to a sandwich of the week, where you call or video chat and catch up while you cook. Or weekly movie nights. There are ways you can still connect while settling in! |Good luck friend, so glad you’re here with us!

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From: Mamadien

Sandwich333, Welcome to the HS community, I’m glad you are here. Congratulations on your new job and apartment. It really is a big change to move into your own place for the first time. To do so in a city two time zones away is really really big. To be unsure and uncomfortable is totally understandable in your first week or even your first months. You have made some really big life changes as a yound adult. As you are learning your new job and city, take the time to learn your new neighborhood. Are there small stores, restaurants or parks, theaters nearby to explore? Are you getting to know any of your new coworkers? Or if you have a faith tradition, what about locating worship services near you? The same thoughts and feelings that prompted you to take the job in a new city can be used to help you meet others in your area and form new friendships. And stay connected with friends and family via online whether video chats, emails, social media. Please give yourself the grace and time to learn your new city, job, neighborhood. And give yourself the grace to learn to live on your own. It can be scary, but you can come to treasure that time on your own and to make your space yours. I wish you well with this new adventure. Let us know how you are doing my friend.

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From: twixremix

hi sandwich,

welcome to the heartsupport community! really thankful that you can be here and feel comfortable to share such a vulnerable time in your life. i understand completely how you feel, this huge transition into a fully independent life is something most people have experienced and lemme tell you: it’s scary. but as time passes and you find new routines and techniques to get things done and find more friends in your area, you’ll embrace this new era.

but in the meantime, i think it’s imperative you find things that fill your time and thoughts with joy. explore the new city, try out different restaurants to find your favorites (like finding ur fav sandwich shop since ur username is sandwich!), join a yoga class and meet other locals. and if you’re like me who enjoys staying in, start new traditions like “movie and ice cream sunday” where you just go easy on your heart and body and just chill. i believe in you fully that you will find your new flow in this city. you’ll eventually get used to the new sounds at night, the new weather, etc. but it takes time, yaknow? and it’ll take time and effort so don’t lose focus on caring for yourself along the way. thank you again for being here on this forum and in our heartsupport community, my friend, hope we can hear from you again soon!

love,
twix

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Welcome to heartsupport its great to meet you. I think almost everyone goes through what you are going through right now so we can relate to you friend. Its a very strange feeling to be out on your own in your own place, its very quiet compared to being around family and having to remember to do things that have probably been done for you or at least things that you have been reminded to do before is a concern so saying all that my suggestions that worked for me are that until I got used to the quiet and believe me it didnt take long, I always had a radio or music playing or the tv on in the back ground, its just nice to have some sounds to feel homely, another suggestion would be to go to your local shops (the smaller ones) go in and buy a couple things and get the know the local shop keepers esp people like the butcher, the baker and the local news agent etc not only will they become people that you will see often and get to chat to but you may get good deals on your shopping too. When you get settled check out and see if they have a local hall where they do activities and meetings see if they do anything that might interest you, you could get involved and meet people. before you know it you will start to mix with the locals and make friends but it all takes time, this is all new, I understand that but its a big step and im proud of you for taking it. You have done well and i think it will have done you the world of good. Let us know how you are getting on. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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Hi Sandwich! welcome to our little corner of the internet. Sounds like you’re in an awesome new chapter of your life!! I imagine the first week of being somewhere new is a hyoooge change…esp being by yourself. Getting used to living somewhere new is always a challenge…don’t know people, not familiar with the area, not unpacked yet…I’ve lived in my new house for almost 6 months and I’m still not unpacked yet! I think a good first step is start making your space feel more like your space. get some lights, photos, your favorite candles or incense, put on your favorite music, and make it feel like your home!

Time zones are rough, but thankfully we live in a wonderful time where we can video chat and sync up our streaming services with our friends and family so distance doesn’t feel so far. You can always set up your laptop or ipad or whatever once a week and video chat with your family while making dinner, or set up a virtual brunch with your friends at home. You’ll meet new people soon, especially since you’ve already got your job lined up…asking around for recommendations for the best kept secrets around your area is a great way to get to know your town more intimately, and introduce yourself. There might be some awesome restaurant down a weird side street you’d never have found, or a cool secret waterfall randomly somewhere [I’m not sure where you live, but there are actually a lot of random waterfalls around where I live lol]

You’ll get used to it soon, and you’ll love it! Plus, you can always try hitting up the local animal shelter and find yourself your own little friend if that’s something you think would help!

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Thank you all for your kind and encouraging responses! I’ve set up a weekly video chat with my family as a start.

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Hi again @sandwich333

Also, set up a system to remind you about bills, rent, what’s due and when!!
Either a physical book/journal or an online reminder system. Once that’s structured, it’ll surely help you to get that under control. It can be stressful otherwise!
Glad you got the video chat set up!
Sita aka Rohini :slight_smile:

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Hey @sandwich333
Just wondered how things were going with you after a couple of weeks? have things started to settle down a little? I do hope that you have gotten more used to your new life and are less overwhelmed by it all. We are all still here for you if you need a place to share your thoughts. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

Jyou are in the right place and I absolutely can under stand what you’re going through. I realize now that I can’t deal with silence myself so you’re not the only one and you’re not alone. Music helps me a lot I always have had the phones in maybe you should try just blasting music !!! Everyone on here will help!!! Being vulnerable in this situation will also help you grow as well keep that in mind and keep your head up things will get a lot easier.

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Thanks for checking up with me; it means a lot to me! I’m more settled in now and a lot more comfortable. Work is keeping me busy (in a good way), and I’ve been enjoying checking out different restaurants and cafes in my area.

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