Looking for friendship advice

From justzumi: I’m looking for friendship advice. I have a friend, but when she talks about her other friends, calling them the best, even though we talk more time. I begin to envy them, although I understand that my friend can also have her own life, and that it is not normal for me to feel this way about our friendship. I just want everything to be okay with her. and I don’t like that I’m starting to react unpleasantly to her friends. How can I forget about this and just continue talking with my friend, without triggering on her friends?
(P.S, SHE is okay, she isn’t toxic or etc so please don’t think any bad things on her)
Thanks for reading this
(Also P.S, I feel so selfish but I am so proud for asking advice when I have a big fear of taking and asking advices, yk?)


First of all, I think you are not selfish at all for asking advice here. It rather shows you are brave enough to open up about your feelings in order to take good care of yourself.
I am wondering why your friend calls the others “the best” and also if she realizes how this affects you. Do you think she would be open to discuss this with you?
I don’t know what else to tell you, other than that I hope you know that you matter. You deserve to have a friendship that is good for both people involved in the friendship.

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Hey Zumi :hugs:
First of all, it’s completely understandable to feel like this, and it’s great that you reached out.
I think it would be false if anybody was to say they aren’t envious of their friends in some shape or form. However, this don’t make bonds any less valuable, in fact I believe it makes them stronger.
Too often these days, friendships are seen as a competition, but they shouldn’t be. Each side should mutually support and understand the other, because without this, the friendship won’t work.
Feeling a bit hurt when your friend praises others is normal, however you have a lot to be positive about in this friendship. Focus on the connection you both have, rather than the connections others have.
Memories, I say this because they are the best tool for keeping the flame in a friendship burning. Remind yourself of the times you’ve spent together, the laughs you’ve shared, and the support you’ve given each other. These memories will help distract the negative thoughts
You’ll never be able to completely rid yourself of these feelings, but instead shift your focus back to the positive aspects. Communication also helps where you feel like the bond could be worked on
You’re not selfish for feeling this way; you’re human. It’s all about nurture!

From .oyazumi: thanks! i will try to talk with my friend about that. i am not sure if i would manage to do that, because am scared that she can misunderstand me, or something like that, but i will try!

From .oyazumi: ohh i guess you are right with focusing on the positive rather than negative thoughts. that will be hard for me, but i will try! thanks for your advice

From .oyazumi: but the fact that she still calls other people her best friends, and she never called me like that, makes me so not worthy. and this situation makes me feel bad about myself, because i see this really stupid

From aliceisblue: Hallo, Zumi, I hope you are feeling okay. You know, I am also proud of you for sharing what your heart is going through. You aren’t selfish for making a post and talking about it.
I think it is actually normal for people to feel a sting of jealousy about other friendships. Sometimes those degrees of jealousy vary from just a little to a whole lot.
I’m glad you’ve acknowledged that your friend isn’t a toxic person, so hopefully this does help you feel safer knowing they don’t mean any harm to you when they talk about other’s being the best. They may very well talk about you like that to others!

I’m not sure if there is an overly quick way to ease these kind of feelings, but I do believe that we can start reminding ourselves of our value in people’s lives. Your friendship isn’t diminished in any way by the other friendships.

Sometimes these feelings can make us feel embarrassed and maybe even insecure, and I think that comes with being vulnerable with someone. To a degree humans have to be vulnerable in order to have relationships (this includes platonic relationships).

Sometimes it may be that we widen our circle of support so that when a friend is hanging out with someone and calling them the best, we have a healthy distraction by building connection with someone else in our friend circle. Not to try to make anyone jealous, but so that we don’t sit and let those thoughts that “I’m not as good” start to come to surface.

Jealousy in itself is okay, it’s natural and it only becomes destructive if we start to allow it to dictate our actions and allow it to determine our worth in life and in others lives.

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