So my family and I have recently suffered a great loss. My big brother was diagnosed with liver cancer last September and he fought hard. We all believed and had faith he could beat it but he took a bad turn in March and we lost him at the end of March. He left behind a beautiful wife and two kids, 6 and 2. I’m struggling to figure out how I’m suppose to move on and cope. I’m doin ok. I tend to cope alone but my biggest struggle is how to help my parents and sister. I have been suffering nightmares and lack of sleep as is my parents and sister. I guess I just came here for some advice or words of encouragement. I’m so angry. He was too young to go and I can’t comprehend why he had to be taken so soon. My faith was already weak before this but now it’s even weaker. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Hi Amber,
thank you so much for reaching out, welcome to Heart Support.
my thoughts are with you these days, my heart goes out to you and your family. 
a loss is always hard, even harder when our loved ones are involved. to see someone ripped out of life. why ?
we will never know. because cancer is something unexplainable.
cancer is unfair, as life often is. it is heartbreaking to hear what he leaves behind. i lost also loved people to cancer.
to see them regress and withdraw from life, is so hard, so difficult to see.
you are a loved sister, you are a loved daughter and a loved sister in-law, a loved aunt. you are a loved and loving
person. that we struggle with that, with grief and all what comes with it, is difficult to go through. there are so many
stages of grief, it gets so much out of ourselves. also without sleep, with nightmares that haunt us, life is becoming
so hard to go through, so hard to handle.
there is often only one answer to so many things in our lives. love
grief can only be there, when you have loved that person, when that person meant something to you. only then we
suffer. hold on to the good memories, hold on to what you shared, what you loved about, what you love.
talking always helps, reaching out helps, maybe consider a therapist, self help group or something like that. grief can do a lot of damage, when we don’t overcome it. we can carry that for a long time.
share time with your family and friends, be there for your family and friends. and take care of yourself even more.
you matter most ! in so many cases. life can be beautiful, life is beautiful with all of us in there. with you ! your family.
it is no shame to cope not alone, let someone be there for you in these times. share feelings and memories.
you are to be held, and not to be missed.
you are loved and you are a wonderful person. stay strong and hold on.
feel hugged my friend
Hello Ambersixx89 
Welcome to HeartSupport
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Grief is terrible and it can take any length of time to process death especially the prolonged death of a close loved one. Please give yourself all the time you need. And while it is admirable to want to be there for your other family members and important that you all share your grief and help each other, grieving alone at times and finding peace in solitude is perfectly valid as well.
I cannot tell you what to do or how to grieve. Everyone is different. Just trust your feelings and hopefully they will lead you down the correct path to acceptance and peace after this tragedy. Good luck! We’re all here rooting for you
hi amber,
thank you for being here and posting about one of the toughest moments of you and your family’s life. you will absolutely be in my thoughts. death and the grief that follows messes with your heart in such an unbearable way. other than the suggestion of grief counseling, the only advice i have from my own experience with grief is to be easy on yourself. if you wake up after a nightmare, give yourself that grace to take things slow that day. embrace every emotion grief brings and release them in healthy ways (art, rage rooms, screaming to music in your car, journaling, running). losing the ones we love from the inevitable passing of life is the hardest thing to face. but the grace, patience, and understanding you allow yourself will make the heartbreak a healing journey. also, you’re on no timeline to “be over it” or “move on from his death.” grief has no deadline which is why i stress the patience on yourself. some days will be okay, some will be bad. but the love you have for your big brother will NEVER go away. that’s the constant you can always count on.
sending you and your family so much love and comfort through this, amber.
love,
twix
Hi, Ambersixx.
Thank you for sharing here.
That sounds unimaginably difficult, all of it.
Please remember to take care of your physical needs as much as you can.
I shall be rooting for you.
Hello @Ambersixx89
Welcome to Heart Support. I’m so very very sorry for the loss of your brother, my heart goes out to you. Greif is pretty hard to go thru and it’s confusing and it hurts badly. I hope that you can find some type of grief support group or continue to come here for support. I can’t imagine what you’re going thru and I really do hope that remembering the good things about your brother and remembering how he smiled and laughed can give you peace. Much love
Hi Friend, thank you for your post. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your Brother. I cannot imagine how devastating that must have been for all of your family. Its also hard to contemplate how anyone ever gets past such a loss but we do, everyone does in the worst of circumstances. There are stages for that though and its not an exact science of course but it tends to be similar for most and knowing abou those stages can give you a bit of clarity that you dont feel like you are going mad with all that has happened.
The 7 stages of grief
- Shock. Feelings of shock are unavoidable in nearly every situation, even if we feel we have had time to prepare for the loss of a loved one. …
- Denial. …
- Anger. …
- Bargaining. …
- Depression. …
- Acceptance and hope. …
- Processing grief.
These are the 7 stages
and this is the link for the site that explain it https://www.hcf.com.au/health-agenda/body-mind/mental-health/moving-through-grief
Of course this isnt going to bring your beautiful brother back but I hope that it is going to help you to clarify your thoughts and feelings a little. Only time will help with everything else. The most important thing you have left other than of course his children are your memories, you will have them forever.
I wish you all the very best. My thoughts are with you . x
So this is a loss for sure. And all of us wonder, “Why?” For which there is no good answer.
But to let you know, all of this, if you look into it more; fits into emotional response to grief. Which happens to all of us after such loss and it is yucky and traumatic. But it is sort of how we humans cope. And we all go through it over different time periods, and in different ways. I saw it in my own family. It is hard because everyone is going through it their own way; not a great way to help them because themselves are in a different place and we are in another place. And there is not a way to force it or fast forward it. And you feel one way one moment and another the next.
I encourage a grief group (churches might have them?) and learning about grief because there is empowerment in understanding. It is OK to feel like this even though it is not nice feeling.
Give yourself time and understanding for this loss. I am sure your brother made a big impact even in time he had.
Godspeed.
Thank you everyone for the kind words and taking the time out to talk to me. 