Today started out good, work was okay and then got home. However my mom was crying today, because my brother left the family and he doesn’t say speak to my mother anymore.
She was trying help with my health insurance and got no where. I lost my shit again end broke a chair. I feel like a shitty son. I’m such an self centered asshole. My impulse just come out of no where. Now I made my mom more upset and I feel like shit.
First of all, thank you for posting your feelings here.
You absolutely aren’t a shitty son, you were just frustrated from what it sounds like! I’ve definitely been there where I get frustrated and break things or have outbursts in front of people. I know it might sound kinda wonky, but have you heard of mindfulness techniques?
It takes a lot of time to rewire your brain, but things like mindfulness techniques (look them up on the internet - there are tons, and not just meditating, but rewiring your thought processes is what helped me the most) and doing things as simple as leaving the room and being alone when you feel like you’re about to explode help. For me, I just tell people “I need to be alone and process my feelings/anger right now, please do not disturb me, I apologize” and I go calm down for an hour or two.
Good luck, and if these things did not help you, at the very least I want you to know you’re not alone and not a bad person for what happened.