It’s been 4 months of developing a friendship with this girl and now we are finally starting to show interest in each other in a romantic sense. It’s as exciting as it is terrifying. Prior to this stage of our relationship, she has been taking the time to get over her most recent ex. I’ve had feelings for some time and she is finally starting to give that a shot. I’m torn between taking this opportunity to open up my heart to her or just letting this go…I do like a lot about her but also am struggling to trust her because of her uncertainties and confusion of thoughts. She wants me but at the same isn’t sure if it’s what she wants right now. At least that’s what I’m feeling based on her on and off behavior. I am also her first romantic interaction with a man. Prior to this, she has been a lesbian most of her life. All of this is so exciting and scary for her. But I’m also worried that she won’t give it a shot and go back to what’s she’s comfortable with. I’m trying my best to take this slow and respect her space. It’s hard because I want to be with her and love her the way she explains to me when I’m there. Tonight I sit in worry of what will happen. I want to feel loved but by someone who is willing all the time.
It’s normal to sit and worry about if it will pan out. I could tell you don’t worry about it, and in a perfect world that’s what you’d do, but let’s be honest. You have reason to hope and reason to be afraid. You’re gambling on this. If it’s someone you like, if you wind up together it could be incredible, but if you fizzle out it’ll be disappointing. That said, if she’s not a known toxic person in your life and you have a good feeling about it, go for it! All relationships are risky, but the good ones aren’t surrounded by red flags.
As for the courtship, just go with the flow. I’d wait on pouring my heart out to her, but you have to do what feels right, when it feels right. If she’s interested but unsure, you’ll have to strike a tricky balance of showing interest without being overbearing, and not being too aloof. If you give her too much space, i.e. show too little interest, she may think you’re not interested and turn her attention away, and also feel hurt. To help that, if you want to be direct with her, tell her you like her, that you don’t want to put undue pressure on her, but you’re interested in where this is going and would like to keep exploring it at a pace that she’s comfortable with. Don’t pour out your heart just yet, let her know you’re interested. It’s not exactly a rom-com, but in real life people are bad at guessing games in dating, so eliminate the guesswork on her part.
You have to consider the situation and decide for yourself whether it is worth waiting. If you don’t wait, she could have come around and you may have missed out on something special. If you do decide to wait for her, it’s possible that she could never come around and you would end up getting hurt or getting your time wasted. You have to decide which outcome is worse and make your own choice.
It’s hard to get over past relationships. It takes time. If she is trying to do that, you have to be patient with her. If she doesn’t get over her ex, the possibility of her growing something with you would be difficult. You also will have to take things slow with her and continuously make sure that she is comfortable- especially with you being the first guy she will be with. That is probably scary for her, and unfamiliar territory. I recommend building a strong connection of trust prior to anything else. If you want her to be comfortable with you, you have to allow her to feel comfortable.
Sorry for the late reply. I appreciate boy of your inputs. Thank you very much for taking the time to give me your point of views.