Love in queer spaces as a girl with issues

Hello. After pandemic, I have been so much better both physically and mentally. I was confident that I was getting better. I have a lot of issues, but I’ve always been self-aware and always working on myself, but lately I’ve been feeling a lot of things. I kinda accepted the fact that no matter what I do I will always have that feeling of emptiness inside me.

I’m thinking maybe I was getting better, but I feel like anytime I’m gonna spiral back again. I’m thinking maybe I was just distracted, I was just busy with whatever is going on with my life, and I really did not go over with the root cause. It’s crazy because I am fully aware I should bring this to therapy but I really can’t afford it (still a student) and I feel awkward bringing this up to my parents, since its pretty taboo to go on therapy in an asian household.

These thoughts and feelings have been triggered because I met this girl online and we’ve only been talking for over a month and I’m already feeling a lot of things. I really don’t want to fck this up coz I’m starting to really genuinely like her. I want this to work out, but I feel like I don’t have the right (?) since I’m so messed up??? I’ve been reading books and just overall trying to learn more about myself and so far I’m leaning on to fearful-avoidant and anxious attachment issues. It’s a spectrum.

Sometimes I want to confess my feelings coz I don’t want to suppress it coz I’m afraid if I do suppress it, I’ll just unconsciously drift away ?? But I also feel like its too SOON to tell her??? but I’m not like in love with her (YET) or something ?? I’m thinking should I make sure abt our feelings first and wait for another month before I confess ?? I really don’t wanna rush things since we’ve only been texting and you never really know who the person is until you talk to them in person, but I really believe she’s not the kind of person to be faking things up BUT IDK !!

Am I overthinking things? Should I just talk to her? TBH I’m tweaking bcs the posts about WLW on social media is just about how emotionally brutal it is to be in ONE … IM HONESTLY SO SCARED. And also I really don’t want to be a burden if I really do end up talking to her about my issues. Vulnerability is so scary.


Hi Whispers! Welcome in! First, I wanted to inform you that if you are in school, there are often many free counseling services you could look into. In regard to the girl you’ve been chatting with, everyone has the “right” to give a relationship a chance and see how it plays out. You deserve to love and be loved. Difficulty being vulnerable is something we all experience, but if you don’t at least try, you could be missing out on something amazing. You are not alone Whispers, and I know you’ll find the love you’re looking for.

  • Star :slight_smile:

hi whispers,

first off, welcome to the heartsupport community! i’m so glad you’re here and can use this forum to open up about what you’re going through. i admire the hard work and intentional thought you have put into your personal growth and journey. you are not alone in the practice of prioritizing other life things above the root cause of the things you’re struggling with. i personally am guilty of that as well. in most universities and college campuses, free counseling is available so i def encourage you to see if that is an option! because i totally hear you on how difficult it is with both the cost and the taboo from cultures. but regardless of any other factors, you deserve support, love, and encouragement.

as i begin to read the part you wrote about not having the right to be loved, i want to echo that last line i wrote even louder: you deserve love! you deserve to love and be loved! no amount of anything can make that statement untrue. and you’re right, vulnerability is scary. in order to foster vulnerability, trust needs to also be present. it’s all about timing and trust when it comes to these things and i believe in you to pursue what you need to continue your journey of growth. i hope we all can hear from you again on how you’re doing. wishing you all the best and hoping the month ahead is amazing for you.


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Hey there! I just want to thank you for being so open and honest with us. And I want to point out how brave you are. Your strength is admirable. Your ability to look inward and understand yourself is special, something that is also very difficult to do. You have done so much work to get yourself in the place that you are, and you should be very proud of that. We definitely are. I know therapy can be hard to make work, but you made a great decision by coming to HS.

I want to point out that you definitely DO have the right for this to work out. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have a fulfilling relationship. Having feelings for someone can be such a crazy experience and rollercoaster. I respect the work and reading you’re doing to better understand yourself, and I think that is a great quality that someone would want in a partner.

I can tell you are a great communicator, and I’m sure that the person you’re talking with knows that quite well too. Being vulnerable can feel like jumping into the ocean, but I know you have the strength. I think talking with her and being open about how you feel will be greatly appreciated. You can take some baby steps too and ease into it!

We’re here for you :heart: