I’ve been at my lowest for a while now and have kept silent for so long. The thoughts of suicide have gotten stronger, that maybe I should just do it, I gave into my self harm today, I wanted to go deeper but unfortunately did not. I recently talked to my pastor and parents, but every time I do, things don’t go so well around the house because I KNOW I’m breaking my family. It’s not fair to those around me that I’m hurting them with my own issues, maybe ending my life would be better…Recently a friend from that I would talk to everyday stopped talking to me, a friend that knows about my struggles and would always be willing to hear me and lend a ear and a care for me, he stopped texting me. And I’m hurt because now I feel so alone, I have no one to talk to. I don’t get it, I was always there for this person, and all of a sudden they just kicked me to the curb? And it’s not their first time, but I thought I’d be forgiving towards them. But now I feel stupid. Guess they probably just got tired of being my friend for so long and hearing me and my stupid issues as everyone else probably did too… Whenever I ask for help, I just feel like no understands, sometimes I just wants someone to not talk and just let me cry and vent to them and for them to just hear me out on everything on my mind and heart. Not even a simple text on “hey how’s your day? How are you really?” Do I get. I talked with my pastor and we prayed and everything he said was SPOT ON, he’s caring and I’m blessed by him. He gives great counsel. But why don’t I feel any better? I don’t wanna keep dealing with this, I feel like I’m failing… I’m almost at the end of life.
i get what you are saying. i think that if your friends are acting like that they are not deserving of you. i really recommend that you should go to the hospital. i know how hard that decision is to make. but i think it would be the best. it helped me. i got put into inpatient for 5 days. it was one of the hardest things i went through. but my god it helped. ask you parents to take you to the hospital, or if you would rather ask your pastor. you seem to have a good relationship with each other, and i’m sure they would be willing to do that with you. please just keep fighting. life is worth it. you are worth it. think of the great things you are going to accomplish in the future. the future meaning years from now or just tomorrow. i believe in you! i know you can do it. just keep fighting❤️
I’m so sorry, this sounds so hard, but please don’t end your life. I’m not going to sit here and try to talk you out of it, because as someone who also has attempted suicide in the past, I completely understand that’s just the worst thing you can hear.
I would like to encourage you though.
You said that you can talk to your family, and that’s amazing. Don’t feel bad for doing that - be honest with them about feeling like you’re breaking the family up, work it out as a family rather than on your own. As for your pastor, it sounds like he’s an amazing person and an incredibly good support to you, so please keep talking to him, and listening to him. You are worth so much more than this and it can take a long time to realise this, but you are here, so something inside of you WANTS to live.
I would like to encourage you to look into ReWrite; a book that HeartSupport published around self-harm. It has some reading, and then a section in the back to journal. You can just look it up on amazon and buy it there, or check out the website and get it free! It’s helped SO many people, including someone I consider a very good friend. I hope it can help you if you decide to go ahead and look into it too.
You’re worth so much more than ending your life.
Hold Fast
Kayla