I come off happy and well rounded to everyone in my life. I seem like there is nothing bothering me at all. The truth is far from it. My mental health is not where it should be and I feel stuck. There is so much I want to do and change in my life but I feel stuck. My husband doesn’t even know how much in mental pain I am in. I keep it all to myself but I am realizing how much it has had an affect on me wanting to even take care of my self physically. I just need to change something but I feel like if I do make the changes in my life to put myself first I will forget my husband and kids. I cry myself to sleep almost every night with different scenarios running through my head on how much of a failure I am in life. I hope I am not alone.
Hey there @NikiBikiKoki
Thank you for sharing this here. It can be so very hard to express the struggles we are facing and even more difficult to see how we could even start to work on them. Know that you are not alone in these feelings. It can be a very daunting task to identify what it is you want to work on and then actually do it. However, it is very much possible. Support is a huge key in that. You mentioned your husband not knowing how much mental pain you are in. I’m wondering what it would look like for you to share what you have been struggling with with him? That could be a great way to enter a new season of growth and healing because you will have his support. You also mentioned worries of forgetting about your husband and kids if you take time to put yourself first. I think that is an understandable fear to have when others have always been your priority. Putting yourself first is foreign and something you haven’t necessarily done before so there is going to be some fear and hesitation surrounding it. However, taking steps to put yourself first, to work on yourself and heal does not mean you will be kicking your family to the curb. If anything it will allow you to be even more involved and have an even healthier connection with them. We cannot pour from an empty cup. So being able to replenish yourself and do the work you want and need to in the areas you are struggling in will allow you to be there for others and pour into them even more.
You are not alone in this journey my friend. I have full confidence you have the strength and courage necessary for growth and healing.
Hold fast, we believe in you,
Thank you so much for being here and sharing all of this. I want to reassure you immediately: you are not alone, and you are not stuck. The things you are going through, both what you are feeling and thinking, make sense. It sounds that you’ve been bottling up a lot of emotions lately, so it may feel lonely and hopeless right now, but there is hope through all of this, even if it’s hard to see it for now.
It sounds that, right now, a first step could be to try to talk to your husband about how you feel. I know it’s not an easy step though. I’ve been through my share of traumas in life and have faced recently some situations that reminds me of them, and it has affected my relationship with my partner as I struggled to talk about it. I know how hard it is to break down the shame of feeling like a failure, the fear of being selfish for reaching out as well, the fear of being a burden and stealing the time of others. But I promise you, you’re not going to forget your husband and your kids if you put yourself first for once. Actually, taking care of yourself is, indirectly, a way to take care of them too. Your kids need a parent who wouldn’t pour from an empty cup. They’d also by inspired for seeing you being vulnerable and taking care of yourself. It’s a beautiful example that they’ll learn to apply for themselves in the future too.
If you feel like it’s too difficult to talk to your family, I’d encourage you to seek help outside, like with a therapist/counselor. Again, this step can be scary, but it can be very helpful at first, even just to have a neutral space where the person in front of you wouldn’t know you or be emotional if you share something. It could be a first step that would give you the strength to talk to your husband afterwards.
The reason why I’m mentioning reaching out is because you deserve to be supported as you need, friend. We all need help at times, especially if we feel lost and don’t know what to do, and since you’ve shared all of this here, it shows that a part of you knows this, despite all the fears and doubts in your mind. When we are vulnerable, we need others and that’s okay. The worst thing is to stay alone with our struggles, because during that kind of moment we’re not in a position of being a good friend to ourselves. We’re more likely to feel a huge range of emotions that would amplify a sense of loneliness. Breaking down this isolation, step by step, is the first thing to do my friend.
You’ve displayed so much strength already for reaching out here in the first place. Now might be the time to do it “irl” as well, with the people who love you and want nothing else but to be there for you, during both the good and the bad times.
You’re not at fault for struggling. I promise. We all do at times, because we’re just human beings trying to live in a messy world. But together we’re stronger. You can break down your fears and start to create your own support system. You deserve it. You deserve to receive as much as you give. I believe in you.
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