I can’t get through this. I was doing okay these past months, but now everything has come flooding back in. Anxiety is rampant, depression has gotten really dark and alone. I’ve missed work since Monday, and am embarrassed to tell them what’s really going on. Probably gonna be fired. I don’t tell anyone how I’m really doing because they won’t understand. My family thinks by taking a pill I’ll instantly be fine and they don’t see how hard this is. My mind gets so dark in times like these and I’m afraid of letting anyone inside because of what they might think. What can I do. I feel like I’m drowning in my own darkness and emotion.
Sounds like you have a lot of intense things going on right now. And I’m very sorry that you’re carrying so much pain. That you are hurting so much and that it feels like people are under valuing that.
Your right, taking a pill won’t just make everything go away. But, working with someone to help find the right medication can help make somewhat of a difference. Especially when paired with therapy. They work hand and hand. They are meant as tools to help you.
You mentioned that you were doing okay but then things started to flood back in. What changed my friend? What happened to cause things to build up to how they are now? I know you are afraid sometimes to share how you feel due to judgement. I can relate to that a lot. But know that here you can share anything on your heart. You aren’t going to be judged for hurting. And we may not be able to resolve everything but we can listen. We can encourage. You matter my friend and so does the things that you are facing and experiencing. You deserve to be heard.
I never feel more alone than when people who don’t understand what chronic depression and anxiety feels like try to tell me what I should do and how I should feel. It sucks.
The good news is that there are ways out of that dark pit of depression. For me, after 15-plus years of dealing with many of the same issues, it was the day I truly realized it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t ask to feel this way. I didn’t ask for sadness, fear, anger, and exhaustion.
Once I fully understood that, I was able to start healing. And after some time, I learned to start controlling my depression instead of letting it control me. I started replacing anger and sadness with joy and optimism.
It’s not easy. It takes time. Sometimes it feels like it isn’t even worth it. But I promise you, it is.
Find hope and latch onto it and never let it go. Hope is our way out of everything. And there is always hope––even in the darkest of places.
Also, if you can, try watching Lord of the Rings. I know it sounds stupid, but I watch the films in a different light. The Ring, to me, is a perfect symbol of anxiety and depression. Frodo and Sam’s journey takes us through the simple beginnings into the deepest throws of struggle. It shows us that we need people to rely on––that it can’t be done alone. And, most importantly, it shows us that until we unload “the Ring,” until we throw it into a pit of fire and let it die, we can never fully heal.
All the best.