Idk why but recently I don’t feel okay. I feel disconnected from wanting to live now. Though I’m still able to function normally. I just feel like I don’t want to be here. I look back at my past and see no hope for the future. I don’t want to go through getting abandoned and hurt again. I would not be able to take it.
I’ve started to think about suicide again. I just don’t want to be let down again. I’m scared
What happened to make you feel this way? Has your friend been around to hang out with?
Not really, but its fine. They probably have other stuff they want to do so I won’t bother them until they decide to message back
This could be why you are feeling like you are. I know for me when a friend isn’t around for a little while, I forget what it feels like to be validated and loved. My mental health goes down the tubes too. I feel alone and in distress. But, I’m sure your friend has a good reason why they haven’t messaged you. They have told you they care about you, try not to forget that. Why don’t you just message them one more time to say hello?
I bet after talking for a few mins, you’ll feel a lot better.
It’s so good that you shared these feelings here. I hope you have people in your life that are supportive and would want to be a listening ear for you if you chose to share your feelings with them. Sometimes recognizing that you are not alright is the hardest part. You have gotten to that point though and you can make more progress.
Please consider getting help before you do anything drastic and self destructive. I cannot say what is best for you to try, but medication, counseling, opening up to people you can trust, and having an outlet are all things worth trying in the journey of finding a successful way to maneuver these difficult feelings and thoughts.
Please keep the communication open and let us know how you do in some more posts.
This still haven’t replyed back yet. I feel heartbroken like my chest hurts. I guess I still do have fears of being abandoned even if its not as strong as it was a few years ago. I just do want to be by myself anymore. On the brightside I’m still able to function even when I’m feeling distraught. I remember not being able to function when something like this happened
I have this fear too. One way that I’ve been working on it is to have more than one friend. To not focus on just one person and to not put unrealistic expectations on anyone (like getting upset because they didn’t text you back right away). Also, having clear boundaries with friends is very important.
My friends know I have BPD and that I have this fear, so they are very clear with me about what they need (I can easily get caught up with looking to them to help regulate my emotions) and are very good at keeping in touch with me. Even if it’s just a quick, “hey been busy today, we’ll talk tomorrow” kind of message. Just doing that helps me so much. I appreciate them for caring about me and taking the time to treat me a little bit different.
I know how much this can pretty much destroy you. Your mind starts making up reasons why they haven’t replied back to you. Usually, it’s something bad like they hate you or think you’re annoying. You become distressed and things can get dark. I’ve been in this place a lot of times.
Remember tho, that your friend likes you and you’ve hung out and had fun together. You’ve had discussions about your friendship and they have told you that they care about you. Try to think about those moments where you felt safe with them. There is probably a good reason why they haven’t replied to you yet and I bet it has nothing to do with your relationship with them. If your like me, the second they reply back all your fears will disappear and things will be ok.
Here is a little video about the fear of abandonment. Remember that BPD (what I have) and ADHD (you said you were diagnosed with this) both share this trait, this video is very good about explaining it. Pay close attention at the time 6:38 and on <3
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