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Might be losing my job tomorrow

Tomorrow will be last day that my school job is asking for covid vaccine cards. If people don’t sent it in, they lose their job. I did sent my in a couple times, but still nervous it did not get in.

I’m janitor that recently got, I know it not a dream job. But it possible to start a normal life, moving out my parents house and just having a job that pay the bills.

I to believe in vaccine and do take covid very seriously. I do think that people should be vaccinated. But it upsets that could lose my job, over it.

I’m ready having dark thought of self harming, abuse someone, even having dark thought of killing someone. Just I i might just snap and thier nothing I could do about it.

Im tired of being me, being impulse, being broken, being stupid, being hateful , just bring me.

I just wanted to be normal, to have a girlfriend, to have my own place and just not be broken.


If you have a copy of the vaccine card, carry it with you. If you sent it in, and they don’t have it, their tracking system is the problem. They could also call the facility where you received your shot to verify it.

I did janitorial work for three years part time, and seven years full time. I found it to be rewarding. It feels great to transform an area from messy and depressing to something pleasant.

When was the last time you took notice of any positive thing about yourself? For example, “I can do a good job here,” or “I am being reliable.” How about “I actually put up with that person’s verbal nonsense without losing my cool.”

That’s true only if you keep convincing yourself of it. Remind yourself, “How I react to things is my choice, and I choose to be peaceful inside.”

No one is normal. It’s just that a lot of people hide any appearance of being different. Because of that, they mask their true thoughts and are fearful of being “found out.”

You aren’t broken. You’re different, just as I am. Years ago, I came to realize that when I dressed really well, my mood became very mellow, and I was more articulate. I also had a relaxed sense of humor.

So, I had to ask myself, “do the clothes actually make the man?” Well, you have some wool or cotton/polyester material, maybe a nice belt and tie… how does that change brain chemistry and function?

All those improved behaviors were already part of me before I put the clothes on. However, the clothes affected my self image, which brought out those desirable attitudes and behaviors.

I remember an episode of the “Dog Whisperer,” where he had a very timid dog, so anxious it was always cringing. He lifted the dog’s head, and pulled his tail from between his legs and held it straight up, and actually managed to walk the dog while holding him in that stature. Incredibly, as this went on for a while, the dog became more confident and stopped cringing with his tail between his legs. The dog’s body language, regardless of it being forced on him, signaled the brain to feel the confidence that body language conveyed.

The point is, we can convince ourselves that we’re really messed up, and act accordingly. We can also stand tall, which helps us feel empowered. We can take good care of our bodies, which signals to the self and others a measure of self-respect. We can imagine that all the negative things we’ve said about ourselves have just poofed away in a cloud of smoke.

Sometimes we have to imagine the truth until we become aware of how real it is. You are a good person! If you’re not convinced that it’s true, just imagine that you are truly decent. Walk and talk as though you know this about yourself.

One day, you’ll realize, “wow! I’m really just being me, and it’s a good thing!”


Hello there,

You sent in the email proof, and had someone help you do it?
Did you ask them for a reply email that would confirm they got it? You can ask someone to help you, if needed.

I know this particular issue has been stressing you out a lot, and I really hope that getting the email out, having someone help you with sending it, etc helped ease your anxiety a bit those previous time.

Having a clear plan on how to tackle these tasks can help a lot. Anxiety is really difficult to power through because the cycle of thoughts- worry - disaster sets in, and it gets harder and harder to see how any other outcome is even possible. You can always come here and we’ll help you when things seem really difficult. Different eyes looking at the same problem or challenge can give us different and novel ways to deal with something, and help us grow.

I’ve also noticed that you mention the thoughts of self harming or hurting others. Do you frequently have these thoughts or do they appear mostly when you’re stressed? Are you talking with a therapist about them?

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That’s rough @metalskater1990 – it’s so hard to feel like you have hope for a future and just like that it could be gone…stirs up all kinds of old and dark patterns when it feels like your life is hopeless and pointless – feels like, what’s the point of holding those thoughts at bay if none of this even matters anyways?

I know you’ve been fighting hard to overcome so much for so long, and I want to remind you that you’ve actually been making progress. Slow, steady, but progress. I hate it when things are slow. It took me 10 years to overcome my addiction to porn, which just feels ridiculous. But in the end, I’m so glad I kept going, because it was a path that led to freedom.

I know that you can make it through this time of anxiety. It is worth fighting back against those things.

Earlier this week I was in the middle of a week-long fog…just feeling anxious about everything like everything sucked and I sucked and everything was bad. And then I was in the shower and just had this “snap” coming back to reality thinking – why am I complaining so much? I have so much to be thankful for. And with everything that I was frustrated about, I turned it into something I could be thankful for. It was a major snapback, coming back into the right headspace.

I was anxious about a lot of big projects around the house that I know will cost a lot of money and I said to myself…I’m thankful I get the opportunity to steward my house.

I was anxious about failing at finances and not having done a budget in a month and a half and I said to myself…I’m thankful that I’ve been in a good habit with that over the past couple years and that this is as bad as it has been, and I’m thankful to have the opportunity to stay in the courageous middle and try again.

I was anxious about feeling like I failed as a dad with my kids every day and I said to myself…I am thankful that God is the Father of my kids and that I get the chance to be present to them and try again today to love them as best I can.

I just leaned into every anxiety and said something about it that I was thankful for, and it was a major mood-stabilizer. It seems like you’re in a fog too, and if you want to try that, it could be very helpful – it was for me.

Either way, keep going, man. You’re on the right path.


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