Sometimes I miss my online friends. I often have dreams where they are in it. And in the dreams, I see him apologizing and us being friends again. I think deep down that’s what I wanted to happen but it ended on a sour note. I missed the good times but absolutely hated the arguments because he would intentionally say the worst stuff that he knew would hurt me. I would also feel gaslit.
I find it strange how he also calls himself an asshole and he knows that he does shitty things sometimes, but then gets mad and assumes that I see him like a villain. When in reality, I just wanted him to understand me. And to understand that I’m a sensitive person and I told him that time and time again. I’m gonna disagree with you because we are not the same. But if I stay quiet, all.of a sudden I’m the bad one and I don’t talk. Sp what do you want me to do?? If you can’t simply have a disagreement with me and talk to me with calling me a sensitive little bitch. Then what the hell can I do?
So its okay for you to have space but its not okay for me to do that? Dude, stop saying you want a friend if you’re going to treat me like an emotional bunching and someone who’s not gonna call you out. Yes im soft at times but im not gonna let you push me around. I know you’re not perfect but my god dude, im not gonna let you get away with saying that.
On top of that you have pushed my boundaries multiple times and found it funny. You decide to call me without even asking if it was okay for me to answer at the time after I specifically told you to ask me first. I don’t need 3 missed calls and saying no 3 times for you to listen. And I let you off the hook for it. I acted playfully so you won’t have to get annoyed at the fact that I was annoyed.
But I do miss when you would make me laugh on days that I was crying. Or when you would do specific acts of service(my love language), among other things.
You had potential as an individual but the way you choose to act is just not okay. I don’t want to see you fall even after what you did to me and others. I just want you to do better. I want to see you be able to communicate without being violent. I want to see you find the courage to get up and make progress in your life. To stop feeling like everyone is out to get you.
That’s all I want