Mother's Day and me. CW: suicide, death

Hey everyone,

Mother’s Day is always one of those days that’s super rough on me. I lost my mom to ovarian cancer 10 years ago, yet it still feels like yesterday. I see posts from people on how they’re celebrating mother’s day with their mom and it breaks my heart, and gives me an extreme sense of jealousy because I wish I still had my mom here to celebrate with.

She was one of those types of moms where all my friends would call her mom. They would confide in her with anything they were going though and would listen to them like they were her own kids. I wouldn’t be the person I was without her. I took her death extremely hard. I was so busy trying to help my family grieve that I didn’t give myself the time to grieve myself, so I kept pushing things down harder and harder. That’s where it got to the point years later I attempted suicide, and finally started to keep up on my mental wellbeing.

Over the years I’ve tried to keep in touch with my mom’s side of the family, but they’ve been kinda distant. Especially my aunt who was there with me when I took care of her. Shortly after my mom passed, I ended up moving oujt and living with my now fiance, and we ended up moving around a couple times to where we are now in Orlando, while they’re still up in Chicagoland (about 1200 miles/ 1900 km away). I’m getting married in September up there in Chicago specificially so my friends and family are able to attend without having to worry about travel, My friends have responded saying they’re going, but shockingly nobody in my mom’s family has said they were going, which really breaks my heart, because I did so much for them. I’ve given them plenty of time to plan out (It’s May 12th and the ceremony is September 14) and if they don’t show up, at least to me, it’ll be the ultimate form of disrespect not only to me but to my mom, since I’m her only son (I have an older sister,who’s last wedding was in Florida). I’m seriously contemplating whoever doesn’t show just cutting out of my life completely. Because to me those actions would speak louder than words.

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Dj, I’m so sorry for the passing of your mum. Especially to such a heartless disease, it’s absolutely cruel to have to see someone suffer, especially when there is so much life that would have been ahead.
Mother’s Day isn’t always the day that brings warmth and joy to many people, and hearing not only of your loss, but the effects it’s had to you and your family must be so hard.

Having someone so major pass away has been something I’ve seen split families up. Whether it’s because the reminder of them has been something they’ve never dealt with and can’t cope with or because they believe that everyone has to always be there together to continue to grieve. At some stage it’s a reflection on them needing some support outside the family dynamic because neither of those situations is a healthy environment.

I can fully understand the hurt it would cause your heart to have your family not make an effort to be there for you, to celebrate with you.
I think sometimes pondering on why people react and behave the way they do leaves us with more hurt and questions than answers. It can be a steep slide into either believing we haven’t done enough and aren’t enough or into resentment.

Thankfully this little community knows your heart and has seen the warmth and the light it has brought to others in the community.
Whether you make the decision to leave the family behind you or if you find another path, this community will always be there to support you and remind you that even on days that are built around celebration, it’s okay to take a pause to grieve. We grieve with you. We hold her memory safe by seeing the reflections of her in you and we will cherish you for that.

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@ManekiNeko Thank you so much. <3 It was hard when my mom passed because it wasn’t until after then that people realized just how much of a glue she was to our family. Thankfully now, I’m in a much better spot not only because of the team here but also my fiance and our friends. I’ve come to the point that if they show up, great. If they don’t, then I know where I stand with them and it’ll all play out. Regardless, the people that do come I know will forever be my ride or die.

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