Hey Cora!
I’m super happy to hear that you’ve made such good progress. I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come so far! It’s amazing what can be done once someone puts their heart into doing what’s best for them.
I read through some of your older posts to get a better idea of what you’re dealing with, especially with your father and can completely understand what seems to be a major source of frustration for you.
On one hand, when I was growing up, I had the same kind of dynamic with my father and consistently butted heads with him. He was very much the “it’s my way or the highway” kind of guy and I thought i’d take him head on. All that did was make things worse for me. When I was younger I got into listening to metal music and became passionate about it (still am and why I’m here today). Both of my parents DID NOT understand it at all. While my mom attempted to understand that I liked it and that’s what made me happy, my dad went as far as to tell me things like “that’s satanic music.” “Your skinny jeans and long hair make you look gay.” Things like that. I went on to starting my own metal band and we did fairly well, playing shows in front of 200+ people often. This kind of opened my dad’s eyes and now that I’m 31, my father and I have an excellent relationship.
What I realized, and what seems apparent that you are understanding to a degree already, is that my father only saw things from his perspective and because his perspective didn’t contain the ability to see from my perspective, what I did made no sense to him. So he, actually trying to be a good dad from his set of tools, tried to help me out through what he learned for HIMSELF.
That said, in my journey to a better state of mental health, I’ve realized a lot of things with this and I rely on the “stoic” pholosphy. Essentially it boils down to the fact that I can’t control other people, I can’t control things or events that happen outside of me. What I can control is how I react and respond to any given situation. To seperate my emotions from events and from how I process them. This has allowed me to, still to this day, deal with people who hate on my passions and not at all be bothered by it.
As a follow up to this, I’d suggest learning about machiavelli. A lot of people think this person’s name, which has really been turned into a term, is a bad thing. It’s not, it’s just that people have applied the methods he set forth in nefarious ways. He wrote a book called, “the prince” which was really a manuel for the heir of the Medici Banking family (wrote it to him when he was a new born). Knowing what world this child was going to walk into, he wrote out ways that outlined how to survive in a world set on ruining him from his birth.
I bring this up because It comes down to self preservation and the preservation of your own happiness. In essence knowing your father, other people, and yourself and playing a game that allows you the maximum benifet (happiness) while minimizing negative experiences and pain.
Keep up your pursuit of digital media and dive into your favorite artists. Try to learn about their journies and how they came to be able to create the art and music you love. I think you may find some pretty interesting stories that could resonate deeply with your own!
Keep up the good work, friend. I’m proud of you!
