I was playing a game and I got incredibly angry cuz it was too hard and well I need to get these emotions that are making me wanna throw my phone and break things out some how so I’m gonna post how I feel here cuz I relapsed earlier today and I’d rather not leave more bruises and scars Im so incredibly angry I wanna fucking SCREAM till my vocal cords explode I wanna smash my head against a wall till my sinus cavity makes my nose bleed I wanna punch my self til I’m black and blue and purple I wanna feel my ribs crack I wanna feel the bones in my hands shatter and swell and feel my hands turn to mush and for the blood in my nose to coagulate and dry out in my sinuses these emotions confuse me because I’m 22 and here I am reacting to this shit like a child I hate having these meltdowns so fuckin much i wish I could get this shit under control
I wish you weren’t suffering so much.
You are experiencing a critical level of emotional volatility. In other words, you’re experiencing crisis repeatedly. You’ve lived with it for so long, I think you’re wishing it could change without actually expecting it to happen. That’s a consequence of depression/despair.
I think I remember that you’re having a hard time getting the help you need. I don’t know where you live, but most communities have some way of dealing with mental health emergencies. If you want, you can DM me, and tell me approximately where you are, and I can help you find someone who can help you. Your doctor may be able to find you some help too.
It’s okay to scream into a pillow. If you do some kind of exercise that makes you really tired, it may help you to feel more calm.
One problem with self-harm is that the original reason for the anger remains present, but then self-directed anger related to self-harm makes it worse. So then you have two reasons to be upset instead of one.
If you’re in the US, odds are good that you can call 211, and they can put you in touch with mental health resources.
I hope you feel better. Thanks for trusting us with your feelings. Wings
I have a therapist I see bi weekly and I go to my local compass health center for everything else it’s just that the compass staff haven’t really done much for me others then put me on endless medication that often makes me feel worse or nauseous and I’ve been going there for close to a decade at this point because I have no other options I can’t work Medicaid dosent get accepted in most places and I can’t keep asking my mom to pay my bills for me
It looks like Compass has a ton of resources, but I have no idea how many of them are accessible through Medicaid. Have you ever called the 24 hour line when you’ve had one of those painful episodes? The medication thing is endless, there’s no doubt about that, but with all it’s problems, it may be a case of being better off with than without. My sister-in-law has been on meds for 40+ years. It’s been a trial and error situation, but they’ve been effective around 70% of the time. In the past few years, it’s closer to 90%. I guess they’re getting better at figuring out what will be therapeutic for her. I think it helps that she sees her difficult days as episodes that will pass.
When you see your therapist, are you able to communicate your feelings well enough? My impression is if your therapist really knew how severe your symptoms were, you might receive more time for therapy, or more focus on achieving a decent med routine.
It might help to keep a record of your episodes, possible triggers, etc. Even if you don’t take what you’ve written to the therapist, it may help you gain insight regarding what triggers you.
I hope you’re feeling better. Wings
It depends on the clinic what resources they can provide mine is underfunded and is just now forming support groups for some of their more major diagnosises
She’s aware of my episodes and she can’t prescribe me anything only my physicist can prescribe me meds we are working on seeing if tms can help me
“You make the world a better place by making daily improvements to become the best version of yourself.”
- Roy T. Bennett
I know that there has been a lot going on in your life right now & it seems like it is too much to bear at times. I want you to know that I am proud of you for writing things down instead of acting on those thoughts, so people can support you through this. That’s HUGE! I know how you might not see it, but know that it is a huge thing.
You are important. You are valid. You are enough. You are strong. You matter.
Hi Derpplup, I am sorry you are so angry but I want to to say one thing to you and that is that you did have it under control if you think about it! You said all those dreadful things you wanted and to do to yourself and they were horrid things but what you actually did was write it down and get it out of your system so that you didn’t hurt yourself! I call that a win.
It is ok to get angry when you cant do something or if you are struggling as long as you know where to put it and as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else. Ok its nice if you dont have thoughts about wanting to hit yourself but I honestly think that if you are in therapy and hopfully with help your life should start to improve you wont feel that frustration and anger anymore and if you do find it remains you could ask your therapist for anger management therapy. That all being said. If you can write your bad thoughts down instead of acting on them you will be in control so please give youself some grace here and maybe take a break from that game for a bit. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x
Hi Derpplup, I’m sorry that you relapsed but I’m glad that you came here to write out all the self harm thoughts you were having instead of actually hurting yourself. That’s great coping and I’m so proud of you. I’m a gamer and when I start to feel myself get frustrated or mad at a game, I take a break. You just have to recognize how your body is reacting to things. You can stop it before it happens, ya know? You matter! ~Mystrose