My anxieties are holding me back

[HumanPerson]

Hello everyone, I am feeling extremely anxious and need to vent.

I just had to drop out of university and I’m filled with tremendous anxiety. I shoud have dropped out way earlier as I didn’t get stuff done and just had failure after failure. I switched my subject multiple times as I thought I could just pull myself together and keep going but I CAN’T.
I dont know what to do next and I fear it’s gonna go just as badly as every attempt before.

Writing this I can’t really think straight, here are some positive things:

• I used to have suicidal thought and I’m genuinly surprized I dont at the moment.
• I’m not abusing substances anymore, I actually manage to eat healthy and have a somewhat regular routine.
• I have a job, it doesnt pay well and it’s not secure but to be honest it’s more than I could ask for in this current situation.

// writing this down just prevented a panic attack.

Where was I? Yes, I actually managed to apply for ONE appreniceship but was rejected and I can’t deal wit that very well. I know it’s normal and I should write lots of applications but every time I sit down to do it I find myself unable to. It feels like I cramp up internally and end up doing nothing rather than something. I know that’s bad and I shouldnt be indecisive like that and I keep beating myself up with that as well.
My parents didnt help with their harsh judgement and I’m actually glad they kicked me out, even thoiugh I’m struggling to pay rent now.

Thanks for listening, I mean reading this, I hope you’re having a better time than me right now.

[anon17277947]

Hey friend,

I’m sorry you had to drop out. That’s a bummer, but you know, I applaud you for coming here to reach out when you needed to. I know sometimes it’s easier to escalate into our thoughts or do self destructive things in order to cope, but instead you decided to talk through it.

@HumanPerson

Writing this I can’t really think straight, here are some positive things:

• I used to have suicidal thought and I’m genuinly surprized I dont at the moment.
• I’m not abusing substances anymore, I actually manage to eat healthy and have a somewhat regular routine.
• I have a job, it doesnt pay well and it’s not secure but to be honest it’s more than I could ask for in this current situation.

Things may not be as you want them exactly right now, but I think these are some great positives to look upon. Sounds like despite your anxiety, you are still doing okay and are practicing some good healthy routines/habits. And you have a job!

Things can get better friend. Remember, one step at a time. Focus on the things you can control and not on what you can’t. Write down your goals that you want for yourself and smaller realistic goals that you can get though in order to achieve those bigger goals. Be patient with yourself.

Have you joined the discord? You’re welcome to if you want to: Discord

Stay strong
~ Kitty