This is a topic from INSTAGRAM. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on Instagram.
Belongs to: Can you relate to zach s struggles with anxiety sh
My anxiety is that I feel like I’m going to get seriously ill only because the people close to me are. My Dad had a stroke then a year later my Mom was diagnosed with cancer and soon after my boyfriend needed heart surgery. And during all of this I had Family and Friends get diagnosed with cancer or died from it. My life has been nothing but being at hospitals for the past Three years so yeah there are all sick people there because most of the time we were in the ICU area. Oh and funeral homes. Too many times going to funerals.
1 Like
Yeah - feels almost like the bad luck is contagious. Or like you’re watching the storm radar of bad health, and you see the clouds all around you - raining down on everyone near you - and you feel it is inevitable, like it’s just waiting until it hits you. You can’t evade lightning forever. Especially when it feels like you’re carrying a metal pole. So your anxiety. mounts. Because every day you “don’t get hit” is another day that gets you closer to it. Because it feels inevitable, it just feels like you wind the anxiety tighter and tighter and tighter, and you’re just waiting for it to snap. That’s a lot of pressure to live under. On top of the fact that going to hospitals and funerals is a real life stressor - it’s hard to be interrupted, to feel like your life is constantly being sideswiped by tragedy - to feel the emotional rollercoaster of trying to be present, to care, to love, to give attention, to be thoughtful, to hope for others…it costs so much. And when it happens back to back to back, you feel like all you have is time to take a breath before pouring back out to other people. You’re completely depleted. It feels like caring for yourself is an exhausting luxury you can’t afford. So you take care of yourself less, you have less to give, you are still required to give anyways, because the tragedies keep coming…it’s just a vicious cycle, a runaway avalanche. Meanwhile, you’re just waiting for it to swallow you up…gosh. So brutal. And yet - it’s hard to tell people “I’m struggling” because you’re not the one in the hospital. you’re supposed to be the emotional anchor. So you’re just expected to smile and have nothing wrong with you when you feel like you’re literally dancing on a knife’s edge. It’s brutal. I’m sorry you’re going through that, friend. Thank you for sharing here.