Hello, this is my first time posting and I hope I do it right
I guess my purpose of this is to just vent. I feel so tired and mentally drained that’s it’s even hard to write this, it is also hard to write this because I don’t like exposing myself nor my emotions.
These last few years have been very lonely and depressing. I have no friends and no one to talk too and I feel like I pushed everyone away because of my depression and anxiety, either they grew tired of dealing with or I just did have enough strength to reply and deal with them.
I’ve been struggling with anxiety and panic since I was a kid, but it got extremely worse due to an abusive relationship and drug use. I was able to improve a bit, as in, I don’t have panic and anxiety attacks every day but my mind is still not okay.
I can’t bring myself to do things and go out and meet people, just the thought of it makes me panic. I can’t do new things that I want to do because I panic with everything, so I rather not do it. I can’t even bring myself to get help because of this.
I think it’s mostly due to this that I feel so depressed, and I keep getting stuck on this cycle of anxiety-depression, but I can’t bring myself out of it.
I’m just so tired of all of it, of myself, sometimes I even think to end it all because this is not a life for anyone. I won’t do it, but the feeling can be overwhelming.
I don’t think I can write anymore because I started crying and I’m afraid it won’t stop. Thank you for hearing me out
Thanks for expressing your concerns! I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks myself. It’s hard to meet new people when you panic. Whenever I get a panic attack, I just breathe and look at my surroundings to calm myself down. I believed that you can make new friends. It just takes time to find the perfect person to be friends with. Depression is hard one to battle with. There are days when you are going to be sad and that’s totally normal. What are other things that you want to do besides crying? It can be cooking food or cleaning the house for an example.
There is no rush to make new friends. I do love my friends but I must take a break communicating my best friend for two days. I would recommend for you to work on hobbies or volunteer to find some new friends. Everyone gets nervous and shy when making new friends too. When you meet someone new, just don’t allow those negative thoughts get to you. We all messed up when we have a discussion. That’s what makes us human overall. You aren’t alone with the anxiety because I struggled with too.
Not having/making friends is not the main issue I think, although it’s terribly hard to make friends when you’re 30. Its not that easy for me to do volunteer work as well, unfortunately. I have a full time job, working from home, which does not leave me with a lot of time. There’s also not any associations that near to me and I don’t have a driving license.
I feel like my main issue is my anxious mind ruling my life and dictating my every move and mood. And the coping method I’ve developed for it are not the best, which is just smoking weed at home to avoid dealing with things.
Even with basic things I’m becoming triggered like standing in line and placing an order, or pretty much anything that involves dealing with people.
I tried going on vacation last year, alone I might add, to see if I could relax, or at least feel more marveled due to a new culture rather than the same old things, and my anxiety ruined it. I was so consumed with invasive thoughts that I step my days just walking aimlessly until my feet bled from the blisters.
I want to go to a music festival in a few months but I could even bring myself to buy a ticket because I also feel terrified about going. Same with finally taking my driver’s license, I wanna take my lessons and try but the idea of ultimately doing and driving with other people on the road is freaking me out.
I’ve become completely avoidant of everything and I hate it, but I also can bring myself to stop being this way
There are many ways to make friends without going out like social media. It takes baby steps to conqueror your anxiety. I’m the same when I go to public with standing in the line but sometimes I have to get out of my comfort zone. I get panic attacks when I go certain places that I haven’t been too. I always try to calm myself down the best I can. The more you exposed to yourself in the public, your anxiety will reduce little by little each day. What helps you calm down when you have anxiety?
I’m currently taking driving lessons too. You will get better and comfortable as you drive more. In the beginning, I used to be scare of driving my instructor and others but not anymore. Everyone is nervous just like when driving in the road. It’s good to have anxiety while driving because you are trying to be a safe driver. There are several bad drivers where I lived in Florida if that makes you feel better. I always tell myself if I’m not in a car accident and no one is honking behind me. The police are always near me every time I practice driving with my instructor and they didn’t see any issues with my driving. That means I’m doing a pretty good job at driving. I don’t care if others speed ahead in front of me. That’s their problem but not me. Just always follow the rules with driving than you will be okay. I believed that you can be wonderful driver too
My parents and sister always complain about my driving skills but they have multiple car accidents. I don’t listen to them most of the time. They are not good drivers.
