My childhood that gives me bad memories

Growing up I lived in a Hoarder family/ neglected house it was really messy and when ever people would vist we would put everything in one room and there where bugs when I had playdates and that stuff I would be amazed by everything and how clean it was,I was also surprised that when ever my friend messed up or accidentally knocked down something there parents wouldn’t yell at them for a long time and get really mad looking back at it I don’t know why I reacted /thought like that. There would be holes in the walls from my dad yelling u would get yelled at constantly and bad memories from my siblings I never really thought about it until now


Hi Jay,
Thanks for posting. Growing up in neglect is an awful way to make your way into the world. Are you still at home or have you moved out and find yourself thinking of the past?

Hi Jay, child of another hoarder family here. My grandmother struggled with this condition and so does my mother (who’s house I still live in). To be honest, I’m amazed you guys could fit everything behind closed doors! Half the doors here don’t even close as it is. We don’t have bug issues like we used to but god those are horrific memories.

I still struggle to function in a space like this, but what helps is understanding the cause. Your family never did this because they wanted to, or because they enjoyed it. It’s a version of OCD wherein they feel their world will fall apart if they have to part with their things, and holding on to everything is the only thing that’s keeping their life together. They are suffering and struggling to feel a small sense of control over the chaos that is life, and knowing that can (for me at least) make me feel more sympathetic instead of angry.

Has your family received any help for this issue? If they have, it may help to share with them how it affected you at the time, and how it still affects you today. If they haven’t gotten help, it may still be possible to have this chat so long as you’re gentle about how you address it.

Yeah both my parents have ocd,adhd ect that’s how I got it im current still living in there house and both see a therapist but nothing has changed we are improving slowly and when I would try to talk to them abt it they would yell, most of the time they don’t like talking about it

Ah okay! People who hoard are usually quite sensitive around the topic because it has such a negative connotation and because usually when it’s brought up, someone is telling them to get rid of their things, which they don’t want to hear it, right?

It’s great that they’re getting help from therapists. It will be a very slow process, think how long it took them to develop this issue and collect all these things. It doesn’t get undone quickly. I’m curious if you attend therapy as well? Living around this condition can cause a lot of stress and trauma. If possible, even attending sessions with your parents to have some heart-to-heart about the damages it’s caused you, but in a safe environment with the therapist to guide you both.

With my mother, it’s taken a lot of years to be able to talk to her about it without too much upset. My method was just bringing it up now and then with no negative comments, so she eventually saw that I’m here to talk about it, not to judge, but it did take years of her yelling every time I brought it up before she started to change.

Do you have your own spaces in the house? If you have your own room for instance, you likely have a boundary that they cannot store things in your room. Depends on your house, but you could talk to your parents about setting one of the bathroom shelves aside just for you, or a few kitchen cupboards etc to help you function in the space.

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