My close female friend is out my life (content warning: suicidal thoughts)

Today, my close female friend had kick me out her life. She would tell me things how she cares about me, and that wasn’t such a loser. But I feel all of it was a life, she just another jerk that use me and lie to me. I would drive an hour to see this girl and doesn’t even care that I’m suicidal right , she would not even miss me if I end my life tonight.

I feel shitty cause I developed feelings for her, however she has a boyfriend. A lot my co - worker gave me shit for that, and mom kept pressing me to date her.

Now she just doesn’t even give two fuck for me. I’m having dark evil thoughts and can’t get them out my head. I wish could commit suicide,I wish my suicide on social media so she can see what she done. Even she does not care, I want to show the world how evil she is, maybe the right people called her out on her bullshit.

This what is like to be incel

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Hey @Metalskater1990,

It sounds like you’re going through a really rough time right now. I remember how rejection is a massive trigger to you and echoes past wounds that are still very present to you. I would like to encourage you to see the situation as it is though: objectively hurtful, but also a situation that acts as an emotional trigger to you. It is leading to powerful thoughts about yourself, about others and about the world in general. It makes sense why it is there, although to navigate this pain and heal as well, it will be important for you to acknowledge the difference between the facts and the conclusions it is leading you to.

Being nice and being friends, being you does not lead you to this situation. This person isn’t evil either. It’s not about her character or yours. She simply loves someone else. Her heart is dedicated to her boyfriend, so there is simply no space for someone else. It is unfortunate that your mom encouraged you to date this person because that wasn’t fair. It was, somehow, setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak. It sounds like there were quite some elements at play beyond your control and I’m sorry for that.

This person has her own life and deserves to be happy with the person she shares her life with. This has nothing to do with you or the quality of her heart. It is simply how it is. I am myself in a relationship with my fiance and if someone was trying to date me right now I would not be interested, whether the person would be wonderful or not, whether we would be friend or not. I could care for someone genuinely yet not being interested in having a love type of relationship. Being already in a relationship doesn’t make someone a bad person, and it doesn’t make the one trying to date unlovable. You are not unlovable. She is not evil. You were simply not meant to be in a relationship together right now. I know that hurts deeply and there is a need to find some answers. I promise you though, it’s only an unfortunate matter of circumstances. It’s not her fault. It’s not yours.

I know this hurts a lot and revives some deep wounds to you. It’s understandable to see situations like these through a good/bad opposition, to paint the world and people as either dark or not. Reality is more complex though. Please make sure to not let yourself overwhelmed by thoughts that are not true. Don’t let this pain lead you to hurt yourself or others more. Right now, you deserve to be patient with yourself, to breathe and remember that you will find more clarity once the pain will subside a little bit. You are not meant to feel this way forever, friend.

On a different note, I’d like to encourage you to reach out to your therapist in times to come. It sounds that now would be a good time to rely on them a little bit more, share what’s on your heart. They will help you discern truth and lies, what stems from pain and what belongs to facts, all at your own pace. Make sure to rely on your support system during this difficult time. Use the healthy coping mechanisms that you have learned over the years. It’s exactly during those times that you will need them the most.

You deserve to heal from this heartbreak in ways that wouldn’t be damaging for anyone. There are intense emotions at play that need to be processed in healthy ways. I believe in you and in your ability to ride these intense feelings in a safe manner. You’ve managed to do it before, you can keep doing it right now. These emotions are very real, although they are not meant to be your forever. You can make it through safely. There is true, real healing ahead.

Deep breaths, friend.

Hold Fast. :hrtlegolove:

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From: Rohini_868

Hi there,

Let’s see if we can establish some facts. How did she kick you out of her life? Did you two have a disagreement? Did she not do something she said she would do?

When we feel rejected, it’s hard to not let that affect how we see ourselves. Having feelings for someone who is in a committed relationship will always be a tough position, because it’s a one-sided affection that can’t be returned. I’m sorry your mother encouraged you in this regard. There is a hard boundary between geuinuly caring about someone as a firend (whcih she sounds like she did) and her leaving her bf (who she never hid from you).

I agree with Micro, reaching out to your therapist is a good idea, so that they can help you through this. You are still you, and yo are still valuable and you matter to us, friend. I know she is an important part of your life, and it hurts. but youcan get through this with the right support.

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey again, friend :hrtlegolove: I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time right now.

I’m sorry your friendship with your close friend is rocky right now. What exactly happened there that makes you think she doesn’t care anymore? If you feel like sharing more details I mean. I feel like if your friendship was that strong that it may be an issue with communication and maybe your friendship isn’t over. I understand how difficult it is to develop feelings for someone who cannot return them but you’ve always known about her boyfriend so that isn’t either of your faults. I definitely don’t think your mom should have encouraged you to pursue her romantically knowing she has a boyfriend though. Those are the kind of boundaries friends always need to respect.

I don’t know what your friend did but I don’t think she is evil and I think that maybe your hurt feelings are clouding your ability to see the truth of what is going on between you two. It can be difficult to separate feelings from reality and I know that that may be extra difficult when dealing with someone you feel so strongly about.

I hope that you share more and that you reach out to your friend and try to resolve what has happened between you two while respecting her boundaries and expecting her to respect yours in return and respect your feelings. I don’t think you are an incel I think you just are struggling to find someone you can connect with who is unattached. I with you all the luck and I hope you update us again. :hrtlegolove:

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I know how utterly painful it is to love someone, but they don’t love you, to care for someone, but they reject you, to trust someone, but they were secretly untrustworthy, to realise that someone you loved was a jerk all along but that reality is the most painful one to ever live in.

Please, however, do not end your life.

And please. Get away from her, do not attempt revenge.

No matter what, keep holding on. :yellow_heart: - Pengyou