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My Devil in me is porn addiction I struggled with since Junior High, I had lost my Grandma at 7 years old and I went to her funeral and I was strong for my bad I cried but very puttle I didnt understand. I was always strong for my dad. I used porn to cope and Ive struggled since. In ways I grew up too fast. Lust for women is my Devil inside. There is anger too but I keep it in check, it was hard in highschool Id get into grappling fights with my dad. I took anger management and know how to healthily deal with anger. My family and I are close. I wish I had never heard about porn in school, but at some point I would of heard about it as its too easily accessible. Im in therapy now for awhile so far and onward.
What is sounds like is that you were also grappling with your own demons personally and the iron of pain. I am going to say losing a loved one super early is usually never a good sign because as seven-year-old I shouldn’t be strong for anyone. Heartsupport, I can be strong for you and be there for you to hear you even more. I am glad your family is close to you, hopefully that they can indirectly help you fight your demons without you telling them. More activities, more enjoyment out of simply living and understanding the joy of life. Lastly, I still don’t understand why the internet is so easy to access for children to go anywhere on the internet and I will never understand that.
First of all it takes a lot of strength and courage to open up about porn addiction.
Your life sounds like it was very hard for you in an early stage. Porn can have a very addictive effect on people, especially when you are still developing mentally and physically. On top of that it seems you are also having difficulty regulating your emotions like anger. Those are not easy things to deal with. But you chose to go into therapy and I am happy about that, I do hope it helps you find ways to deal with emotions and trauma in a healthy way.
Please know that you are valuable and you matter. Hold fast!
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one so early on in life. It is never an easy thing to deal with - there is so much pain there and when you are so young, inexperienced and impressionable, it can be extremely hard to go through all of that pain when you’ve never experienced it before or been exposed to the process and coping strategies. So firstly, I hope you can understand that this is a totally normal response to an uncertain and stressful situation, and that you are not alone in this struggle. It is not your fault at all for anything that happened after this tragic loss. You can never predict what will happen, and everyone copes with loss and sadness, or anger, in very different ways, and that is ok.
I am sorry to hear that you have experienced addictive-like tendencies as a coping mechanism, and are not extremely happy with yourself due to this. But it is in no way your fault. You’re right about the access to porn online is incredibly pervasive and can be too readily accessed by anyone who owns technology. Everything online right now in particular is causing many forms of addiction - and you are not alone in this fight. It is an unfortunate situation and I hope that as a society we can all help each other to avoid the temptation of staying online and getting overly involved in these highly addictive things. That being said, there are ways to make changes and this will not dictate your whole life. It doesn’t change who you are as a person whatsoever and I hope it doesn’t make you feel guilty or undeserving of anything, because with doesn’t define you or make you any lesser or weaker than anyone else.
You are so strong for reaching out for help. I am really happy that you found ways to healthily cope with your anger, as that is a major component of obsessions and addictive-like behaviours. You’re doing all the right steps and taking care of yourself. And you are such a selfless person, always looking out for others around you and trying to be a good system of support and influence in their lives. I am very glad you are close with your family, and I hope that you can use them as a support system as you navigate this challenge. I know it will get easier in time, and in the meantime please try to be patient with yourself and know that everyone is rooting for you and supports you through this. Nobody is judging you as everyone is going through their own demons or devils - we all have things we want to improve about ourselves. It’s so great that you have figured out that you want to make this change and are taking all the right steps to make that happen. I hope that therapy has been helping and if it hasn’t, perhaps a different form of therapy or a support group could be other routes to try.
I hope you are incredibly proud of all the progress you have already made and keep on making these choices to help yourself further. You can and will get through this and be so much stronger and wiser after the journey. And all that wisdom can be used to help others going through the same challenges too! Take care and please reach out to us whenever!
As someone that has battled Pord Addiction, it takes a strong man to admit it. You took the biggest step into admiting it and realizing it is a issue. Take one day at a time. You will continue to grow.
First of all you should be so proud of yourself for being so vulnerable, and for admitting that you have an Addiction. A lot of people will either deny it or pretend that it’s not there. I’m actually in a similar situation as you, I too have a porn Addiction, and I am also in therapy too so I completely understand how it feels. I’m very truly sorry to hear about the loss of your grandma especially at such a young age too, that can bring up so many mixed emotions and can literally make you feel lost. I hear fear and anger with your comment on your lust for women is your Devil inside. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is my perspective. Anyway I’m really proud of you for going through the healing process with therapy, and I truly hope that it helps you with your porn addiction and your other struggles. I’m always here if you need to talk! Look after yourself.
First of all, I want to commend you for reaching out to us and telling us about yourself and being strong in admitting your struggles. Thanks for finding us at HeartSupport and I am glad that you did - we are here to love and support and encourage everyone, and never judge or look down on anyone - since we are all working through our own journeys and have no reason to think someone else’s addiction or struggle is worse than anyone else’s - we are all going through this unpredictable life, all face temptations, all stumble and fall at some point…but the key is realizing the struggle and getting ourselves back up. That is true victory and strength…not in never failing or caving to temptations that we know in our heart are wrong or harmful to ourselves or others - but in admitting them, telling someone about them, and finding pathways forward to heal. It sounds like you have been doing this with therapy and I love that you hopefully have found a trusted therapist to talk to about your childhood experiences and your current addiction. I am so sorry that you lost your grandmother when you were so young and then had a difficult relationship with your own father after that traumatic death in the family. All of these events I am sure played a part in forming your current reality and outlook on yourself and your self-worth and self-esteem. These are really great places to talk through with your therapist on how turning to porn as a coping mechanism happened, and how you can try to reframe or re-train your brain to find other ways to cope, or find enjoyment, or pass the time. I know I also have a tough time with porn since I know I shouldn’t utilize it in any way for several reasons, but it is so accessible, it is so socially acceptable, and it is billed as a “victimless crime” - nobody gets hurt if you look at it, right? Well, the statistics on sexual abuse, sex trafficking, and child pornography tell a different true story, that it is destructive, and harms relationships and warps people’s (especially young people) minds into unrealistic expectations around relationships and sexuality. I am tempted by it often, and sometimes cave in. I feel guilty about it, and then say, I am not going to do that again, and then a month later…well cave again. So just know, you are not alone…there are many, many men and women who are caught in the grip of lust and pornography. We are all human, we all fall short, we all make mistakes. I think the key is realizing the problem, which you have done. Then you have done the next right thing in finding help in therapy. Now the rubber meets the road and you give yourself grace, find options and techniques with your therapist to keep yourself accountable and find other outlets, and let the healing process and slow progress begin. And if you stumble along the way, its OK…we all do. One day at a time toward the life and outlook you desire…that’s the best we can do, and opening up and seeking help are huge steps you have already taken, so I’d be proud of your progress up to now. You write your next chapters…and peace be the journey.