On January 5th, I was let out of the hospital after serious threats of trying to kill myself. I truely wanted to, I felt trapped in my situation and in my own body. What kept me going this whole time is being able to transition. My therapist says I can have my letter if I don’t self harm for a year, and as approaching January and I feelt on top of the world.
Well, as it turns out, my dad is broke and guess what? Fifteen year olds can’t find work. My dad is worried we won’t be able to afford any of it. The thing I decided to live for. Start going to school and selling my own personal items, my breakfast, my lunch. I got around 20$ for T. I planned on my grandma sending me money for a gift for my birthday, cutting the corners and BAM! 60$! Nope, my dad cancels those plans on me entirely, telling her she can buy it when she gets here for Crismas. I was counting on that as a, my only birthday present because my dad is broke, my mom doesn’t even live in the country, and after coming out, most of my family refuses to talk to me.
My dad complains that “I think money is free” even after I sold my own fucking breakfast for a quick buck so I can be happy. On top of that, he tells me when I tell him about the grandma situation that he’ll pay for it, and not even twelve hours later he tells me he’s going in debt.
The reason I come here is because I really don’t see a reason not to go back to hurting myself as the moment. Wall after wall is falling ontop of me and I feel like there isn’t a way out. My last options are wrisking getting expelled by selling a vape or things like that at school so I can. I’m losing hope fast.