I fell like I have to be high to literally do anything, I get upset when I don’t have any even though I know there will always be more. For the past few months it’s been running my life to the point of where I’m about to get evicted all because I’d rather have a bag of weed when things get tough. I used to do pills, coke, etc. just on weed now and that’s starting to be an obvious problem. Im just honestly looking for help or any advice. I don’t want to lose my fiancé.
First off, welcome to HeartSupport! You’ve come to a good place.
Second, I’m proud of you for reaching out about this. It is so easy to deny the affects of habits and addictions on our lives and our loved ones. It’s so easy to find fault in other circumstances, especially because there are elements of truth to those connections. Breaking through the denial and deflection is brutal. You’re leaving behind a false reality and entering a new, more painful reality. I’ve been there just recently, and I know just how much it sucks.
Step 1 of the 12 Steps is “We admitted that we were powerless over x --that out lives have become unmanageable.” It sounds to me like you’ve completed Step 1. Congratulations! Now though, you can’t retreat back into blissful unawareness. You can stay stuck in your weed habit, but you will know how destructive it is, and the shame spiral will twist even tighter. The best next step is to start trying to get free of your habit. It will be hard, it will suck, and there will be times you relapse, but the journey will give you something bigger to live for.
A good next step would be to check out a support group meeting. You don’t have to sign in, make a commitment, pay dues, or anything like that. You don’t even have to speak to the group. Walking through those doors will be a monumental task. Check out Marijuana Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery meetings in your area or online. I know it will feel like you’re opening yourself up to judgment and condemnation, but you will be surrounded by people who started right where you are, who remember their first meeting just as clearly as you’ll experience it.
Thank you for sharing here. I know it wasn’t easy. Let us know how it goes