My existence is worthless

The last couple of months have been a nightmare for me. My parents don’t know wht they think of me, Some times they say i can handle any study if i set my mind to it, other times they think i’m a fucking retard and ask me ridiculous questions. I don’t think i can do anything right, everything i’ve tried went wrong. My studies have been going downhill, i ended up isolating a lot more than usual. I don’t wanna be alive anymore, i’ve tried ending my life. I’ve cut myself, I’ve tried to starve myself, but nothing worked, i can’t even succeed in ending it.

i’m such a dissapointment.
I’ve tried to make it better, i’ve tried to look at the positive side of things. But in the end i gave up after a week.
I don’t have any determination, i don’t have anything to live for, i don’t know what to do with myself.
I don’t know why i am like this, no one likes me, no one hates me, i’m just a neutral fuck on this planet.
Nothing will change if i dissapear or not, evrything will be the exact same.
I just wanna dissapear without leaving a trace. I’m a worthless, hopeless piece of shit that doesnt need to be alive.

Kenny, your existence is not worthless. I know you feel like that now, but this will not last forever. You were put on this earth to create heaven, and there’s many beautiful things in life. You can’t see it at the moment, but if you keep holding on, you will get there. Your parents can think what they want, but in the end it’s you whose opinion and decisions will effect your life and what you want to do.
You fall down, and that’s okay. We all do. Sometimes you have to feel your darkest place so you know you know what real happiness will be like when you find it. And I’m sure you will! You can rise out of this, I know you can. I believe in you. Ask your parents straight out what they think of you and to not act like they can’t make up their minds. And isolating yourself doesn’t help anything. It feels better that way I know, but it won’t help you.
You’re a beautiful strong angel, no matter how many times you go through hell.
Hold Fast <3

Hey. First of all thank you for opening up to us here on HS forum, that alone is a big step forward.

First of all, you’re not worthless, and your existence, your life holds power greater than you could ever imagine. Maybe your life so far has not gone the way you imagined it would, or they you wanted it to. That’s okay. Unfortunately, that’s how it goes for most people. Life is not smooth sailing and sometimes we stumble and fall down. That’s okay. We just need to get up and try again.

I’ve dropped out of multiple schools. I’ve never had a job in my life. I’m not entirely sure what direction my life is going. So believe me when I say I know what it’s like to feel like a failure. But I also know that’s not a thing. Just because your life hasn’t gone exactly as you wanted doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a human or that you will never do amazing things in your life.

You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. And whether you get the education or not, whether you’re the center of attention or simply get along with people, none it dictates what you will do and be 10 or 20 years from now. People can change radically, and absolutely none of this - your school success, your parents’ opinion, being lost - matters in 10 years.

It’s okay to struggle. And it sucks when you’re in the middle of it and cant see a way out. But I promise there is one and you will make it out in time. All you need to do is hold on a bit longer than you think you can. Because you’re a lot stronger than you think, I promise.

Hold fast, we believe in you, we love you, we think you’re worth the universe. :heart: