My family is weird and cant respect whenever i try to set boundaries with them. My family likes to slap my butt in a “playful way” but ive never liked it and they never even try to respect my boundaries and just tell me to “not be butthurt about it”. They also make weird sexual jokes about me and they usually something about me needing to jack off more to be stronger or that i look like a woman and asking what panties im wearing. I got fucking tired of it and to avoid yelling at them i went outside. Yet whenever they my parents went outside they had a rant to tell ne that was basically “you should take a joke and not be mean about it” even though me going outside was me not being mean about it. I have complained before about me not being comfortable about them doing it but my mom tries to guilt trip me by asking " what, can i not joke around with my son anymore?" and my dad just tells me to shut up and not be sensitive and that my generation is full of crybabies. I hate it here and wish i wasnt forced to move closer to my dads family. I just wanted to get it off of my chest and ask for advice in this situation
You have a right to have boundaries. They are wrong to not respect them. For countless generations, many parents haven’t respected their children’s boundaries. Therefore, what are the odds that your parent’s boundaries weren’t respected either? It’s still not right that they’re not respecting yours, but perhaps because their parents didn’t respect theirs, they think it’s acceptable to not care about yours either. If parents aren’t respecting boundaries, siblings will consider it implicit permission to violate such boundaries as well.
What can be done about it? In my family, there was no hope of setting boundaries. It sounds like your situation may be similar. My strategy trying to avoid being noticed, staying away from the family as much as I could, and moving away as soon as I could. Another reaction I had that was more reflexive than deliberate, was simply not react to the abuse. That was because I was in a pretty steady state of despair and emotional numbness. Sometimes I was able to feel okay when I was away from the house though. The main thing that kept me going was that I knew I wouldn’t always be around my toxic family.
If you convince them they’re not upsetting you, they might decide you’re not fun to torment any more.
Thank you for the advice even if i was still doing most of the things that you told might help its still helpful to see someone care for others. I usually dont have a reaction to their teasing but there are times when all of the things they say get to me and i burst out in anger. They still happen but whenever i feel my blood boiling i go to a bathroom or i leave so that i dont have an emotionial outburst and suffer the hour long rant and beating from my father that comes afterward. Thank you for listening and reaching out to me.
Hey there!
First off I just want to say thank you for posting, we appreciate you being open with us here, we do not take it for granted.
I am so sorry that this is something that you are going through, please know you don’t deserve this. It is not right that your family is making you feel this way, and doing these things to you. Please know that your feelings are valid, I know their actions make it hard to believe this but your feelings ARE VALID. Sometimes I have a hard time assuring myself of that, it is easy to get in my head and think I am being silly, so I just want you to remember your feelings are valid and you deserve them to be understood and heard.
You deserve your boundaries to be respected, you deserve to be understood, and I am sorry you are not having that in this time. Sometimes people belittle how things make you feel, and man that is so frustrating. I have been there a few times and it is so hard to stay positive and not get upset in those moments. I am proud of you for keeping your cool… I know that is so hard,
I think it is good to step away from certain situations when they are having a negative affect on you, or when people are not being kind or understanding. It is beneficial to remove yourself from those situations to give some time to breath,
It is so frustrating when people tell you to just stop feeling a certain way, like, that’s not how it works! I hope one day they come to understand your feelings and emotions, and be remorseful of their words and actions. Guilt tripping is so frustrating as well, it’s like they are trying to make you feel like your emotions don’t matter, or you are overreacting, but man that is not true. I am not sure why people do these things, but it is something that is just not right. I want you to know that here you are heard, you are understood.
When your parents said you should take a joke, you don’t deserve that, they are the ones who are not understanding and are being quite childish. I’m so sorry that is something you have to deal with.
It is easy to tell people to not be sensitive, but that doesn’t help in any way shape or form… and man it is so annoying to hear. You are not sensitive, you are not weak, despite the words from your parents.
I’m sorry you are in a living situation that you cannot escape right now… please know that things get better, even though right now it really may not feel like it, I promise you they do. There will come a day where you will not have to live in this environment anymore, and I know how tough that can be to hold onto that hope, but please hold on, please know things get better. I have also been in a living situation where I was not happy, it had a terrible impact on my mental health, it broke me down. But it got better, I moved out… please hold onto hope.
Thank you again for being open here, please know we are always here for you no matter what. We are here to listen and be a shoulder to lean on. Please reach out when you need someone to listen or talk to.
Hold onto hope, things get better, your feelings ARE VALID.