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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
My father committed suicide and I could have been a driving force to prevent it. But I didn’t and my excuse at the time was because I felt like I didn’t know him well enough. Now I am a father and this song hits really, really, fucking hard.
I agree with your plea to others to reach out. As for your story, I know it’s hard to accept, but it is NOT your fault. Hindsight is 20/20, but you’ve got to forgive yourself.
I agree, always reach out if you’re aware or close. Maytree house in Hornsey.
However it wasn’t your fault in any way whatsoever. It’s understandable that you are thinking and feeling this way but it’s not correct.
If you could have you would have.
A friend called me two weeks before she hung herself, I didn’t take the call as she had been quite abusive to me the last meeting we had. That’s over 20yrs ago, I had told her she would never be too much for me. But I wasn’t expecting the abuse and didn’t understand why at the time, I think I do now.
We were friends, I think her girlfriend may have been unhappy about it. When it was just her and I we had brilliantly meaningful intimate conversations and laughed till we could barely breathe. Blessings to her.
Hey mate, its not your fault. As a father we learn just how much we don’t know or understand, until we become a father. You can’t go back in time, you can only help others learn from our mistakes so maybe they don’t copy ours. Take care.
I feel for you… I think when you watch some of Ren’s interviews, he talks about the process of learning to forgive himself. The force of your words make me feel as though that is a journey you must take, because as a fellow human being, you deserve more than to punish yourself for something you cannot go back and change. We do have regrets, some of us more than others, and I’m sorry for your loss and for your situation when that happened. Allow yourself to remember that you were only putting one foot in front of the other, navigating your own life, and you didn’t have the benefit of hindsight then.
I lost my mother when I was 24, cancer. We had 6 months knowing it was terminal and I spent almost every day with her, despite living adn working in a different city, and not driving at the time. My older sisters on the other hand, only visited once each in that period… they had busy lives and were dealing with their own individual traumas (my middle sister was battling alcoholism, and we didn’t know at the time that she had a permanent driving ban for causing a serious accident whilst DUI).
After my mum passed, I called them to let them know it happened, and they were both completely surprised. They both said they kept saying ‘oh next weekend we’ll visit’', and then ‘oh, well next weekend then’, and that had gone on the whole time. The always thought there was going to be more time. I know they’ve lived with that burden and I don’t think either of them processed it. I’m writing this because I don’t even want to see a random stranger on the internet go through live with the pain of past decisions, like I’ve watched my sisters, 30 years now since it happened.
Forgive yourself, m’love. x