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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Save Me by Jelly Roll
My Fiancee left me at the beginning of the year after 5 1/2 years of being together. Since then, Ive drank more than I have in the past seven or eight years combined. Up until now Id have the occasional drink socially, but now I drink on the weekends to unwind from the week of fighting my thoughts, (I refuse to drink when I have work the next day)
At this point Ive withdrawn myself and basically go to work, come home, eat, sleep and repeat through the week, then on the weekend I drink to drown out my thoughts.
Jelly Roll nailed it, I feel like a lost cause, I feel damaged beyond repair. I saw everything with my ex and now I feel like a hollow person. I feel like Ill never recover from the heartbreak.
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When you have been with a significant other for a long period of time and it ends life feels hopeless, everything that has been your “normal” is now no more, everything you used to do as two is now just a you thing, no one to share those moments or thoughts with and it feels wrong, living with days/weeks of wrong is going to take its toll, it would cause anyone to have anxiety to feel lost, empty and want to reach out for the first thing that could take that feeling away. For you that choice is alcohol, for others it could be drugs, shopping, gambling etc its about finding an outlet where you just don’t have to think about where you are and how you feel for a little while. I commend you for recognizing this and most importantly for keeping those times to when you are not working, it would be tragic for it to impede your work life.
All of the thoughts that a person can go through after a breakup put so much pressure on you, it is not a lot different to grieving the passing of a loved one, the emotions, the feelings of sadness, loss, hurt, anger and hopelessness, each one as valid as the next in both circumstances and each take time to work through. The positive news is however that you absolutely can work through all the above and one of the defining parts of grief is acceptance. It may not be a situation we choose, we want, we are happy with, but we learn to accept it and eventually move forward on to new and hopefully equally good or better things. It is an adage to say time heals all wounds but there is a lot of truth in it too. Sadly more time is what is need here it seems, I think in time your drinking will get better here too, you seem very aware of what you are doing, if you find that is getting out of control that might be the time to seek help but you are grieving friend and I am truly sorry that you are in this situation. If I could offer you advice it would be to try hard to spend more free time with other people, try to break that circle of staying in all weekend, even if you are in a friends home drinking coffee, try to get out of your house, stretch your legs and your mind and find other things to focus on (I honestly do know how hard it is) but you will feel so much better for it. You are bruised not broken and I can promise you that you are most definitely not a lost cause, you are a beautiful soul with a loving caring heart and I want to wish you all the very best and a lighter brighter future. Take good care. Lisa. X
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