My friend was actually good thing that happen

[Metalskater1990]

I’m still struggle with my ex friend leaving again, everyday I definitely struggle with intense sadness that leads to anger. I still fuck up thoughts about her and some shit come out.(But in paper journals, I try use that for rage than doing on here.)

However, I’m start woundering if looking at situation the wrong way. So this new DBT skill I’m been learning is the respect skill. The R for respect is reframe. To see in a different light. Because, letting my emotion tell that my friend use me and she doesn’t care. Instead thinking this through tonight as I was driving.

So the last time I saw in person, we supposed to talk but she had to work. So I did not respond well and got irritated. But before I left, she gave me a hug. Saying I know it far drive for you to here. Unfortunately text her about feeling, she said need time and she would talk about. It at least 4 mouths, last message she sent me, was still need time to figure stuff out.

I know need to move on, I really been trying let my anger take and give her space. But was not perfect at it. Because, people some people saying that she use me and I did not get anything sex. So it kinda stop me from healing and going forward.

In addition, I feel was talk how that no matter what, she does see the good in me. Like she courge me not to stop skateboarding, that was a good skater and that need believe in himself more. That should not care what other people think of me. That felt safe being atound and that should talk to girls more. Also hope things get better me and always take care of myself.

Otherwise, she did talk about if her boyfriend leave, she said she would be okay , that she would be sad, but she see the good in herself and being own person. To me that stood out, I felt telling me that I am enough, even without her. She just point the good stuff that was always there and that I am enough for me.

I know probably vaildation how I feel, which my therapist told me not to do. But I feel made our friendship worth it. Even mostly leave me, and not my lover. It lesson that teacher from middle school that said no girl would like me was wrong. At end day, my friend did show me the good side. I’m greatful for her and I hope that she find happiness.

[Wings]

It sounds like one of those relationships where you may not talk to each other much, but the two of you will always care for each other. That’s a good place to be mentally/emotionally. If you can maintain that calm, gentle, rational mindset, who knows? Maybe in a year or two you may grow close again. Right now it seems like there is a kind of emotional closeness, even while you realize that you need to maintain a distance and not hope for more intense connection than you already have.

Take care, my friend

[SheetMetalHead]

@Metalskater1990

However, I’m start woundering if looking at situation the wrong way. So this new DBT skill I’m been learning is the respect skill. The R for respect is reframe. To see in a different light. Because, letting my emotion tell that my friend use me and she doesn’t care. Instead thinking this through tonight as I was driving.

It takes a lot of maturity and humility to think this. It’s really easy to stay bitter and believe women used you when things didn’t go the way you’d hoped. I’ve been there. I think having this thought after 4 months is really big, really fast progress! You loved this woman, and even though you didn’t date she broke your heart. Experts say to allow at least a year for a broken heart to heal. Healing is not all uphill, you will have days where you feel really sad and angry. It’s a bumpy road, but all those bumps are still climbing upward.

@Metalskater1990

I know need to move on, I really been trying let my anger take and give her space. But was not perfect at it. Because, people some people saying that she use me and I did not get anything sex. So it kinda stop me from healing and going forward.

People say things like that because they want to be in your corner and help you understand that you weren’t the problem here. They mean well, but having people feed into your anger and hurt can be toxic. I don’t know what the right answer is, but maybe try to see things the way you wrote them here (that this was a good learning experience, and she does care even though she didn’t want to date you), and try to filter out all the negative talk from people who don’t really know what went on.

@Metalskater1990

Otherwise, she did talk about if her boyfriend leave, she said she would be okay , that she would be sad, but she see the good in herself and being own person. To me that stood out, I felt telling me that I am enough, even without her. She just point the good stuff that was always there and that I am enough for me.

I know probably vaildation how I feel, which my therapist told me not to do. But I feel made our friendship worth it. Even mostly leave me, and not my lover. It lesson that teacher from middle school that said no girl would like me was wrong. At end day, my friend did show me the good side. I’m greatful for her and I hope that she find happiness.

You are worth it. I know you want to be a good guy, and just wanting that means you are. You are also enough. I know you’re lonely. Again I was in your shoes. People told me I was good enough, and I got mad. If I was so good, how come I was still single or getting my heart broken? But one day you’ll meet the right woman, and everything that happened before won’t matter anymore. Most importantly, I’m glad you know your middle school teacher was wrong.

[lunxaire]

I’m glad to hear that you have been able to see a therapist, and you have been making progress! I can definitely see the change. Also, having a mental health journal too? That’s awesome!

You’ve done a complete 180, and that’s a good thing! Like Wings said, you still both really care about each other, and no one really knows the future yet. Like she said, just give her some space for now. She definitely thought of you as someone very close to her, and she’s probably wanting space for the both of you, so nothing in this friendship gets tarnished. Just keep working with your therapist, @Metalskater1990 , you’re doing great!

Keep us updated as always. <3