My best friend tried killing herself, another friend told me she almost did something to herself this morning, I just got a message saying ‘I don’t think I will survive his year’. I can’t do this anymore, I am constantly worried about the people around me. I can’t enjoy a single day or sleep peacefully anymore. I am checking my phone all the time, looking for messages of my friends telling me they wanna die or something. Every night I fall asleep, knowing I will probably have messages of my friends telling me that they want to end it. My mind is constantly circling around the thought of losing someone to suicide. And aside from all that, I’m dealing with suicidal thoughts myself. I’m fighting everyday to resist the urge to end it all. But I feel like I don’t really have anyone I can tell that. It feels awful to have these thoughts and then have someone telling you, they want to die. I don’t know how to comfort them or what to say and it drives me mad. I can’t even talk to my parents about that, because they will tell me to not talk to those people anymore. I could never do that, those people are so important to me and are what mostly keeps me alive at this point.
I hear you friend on the situation that you are in right now with your friends. It is difficult being the sounding board for people that find you the only safe place to share their hearts with you. Every night going to bed you worry for people’s safety and losing a beloved friend overnight which does keep you up at night.
Honestly, you have to balance that hard decision to break their trust by sharing with another person their struggles and suicidal thoughts so they can get the proper attention they need to address their physical attempts.
You are loved friend no matter what even though you do not feel comfortable talking to your parents about it, you are heard by me and i understand what is going on in your head.
Encourage your friend to reach out on this forum to seek some help and a proper outlet for them to put out the words of their heart. You should not be the only person comforting or encouraging them because you should not be driven mad.
Keep fighting friend and have courage. You are loved by me and are seen <3
My friend group and I went through a similar situation, like probably the same situation as you actually. We are a group of 5 girls. Out of the 5, 3 (including myself) had a time where suicide seemed like the only option out of our miserable lives. One of my friends was really into self-harming, we all joined in together in order to help her and encouraged her to get help, because subconsciously we understood that, that is not the way to go. I was really suicidal from ages 9-16 (im 17 right now). I finally opened up about it to my friends, they understood me and we ended up having a whole bonding moment with all of us crying together and saying our deepest pains, regrets, insecurities. Now, we are much closer than before. We understand what each one of us is going through.
My brother was on a verge of suicide. It is truly a scary feeling and situation. Talk to your friends about this. Tell them, that if they truly understand that you are friends and you care about them, they will never kill themselves. It will scar you for your whole life.
My parents and my friends’ parents have no idea what is happening between us. To them we are just a group of very close friends. You can open up to your parents when all this major pain will fade away, or at least that’s what I did. Them being your parents doesn’t necessarily mean that you must tell them all that is happening in your life.
Hope this helps!
I think people innately want to support and be there for each other. That’s why people bring their pain to this forum and help others in turn. I think if your friends knew you were suffering too, you’d be surprised at how they rally around you. One of my best friends also battles chronic depression, and we take turns supporting each other because each of us understands what the other is going through. Like @fullysaddo said, it’s something you can bond over.