Back to heartsupport

My life has been uprooted again

I don’t know what to do. From my earlier post. I have to find a new place to live because of my brother catering to his wife after I helped get the townhouse we live in. I used most of a settlement helping my brother better his life and what I thought was starting my life here in Tennessee. Now that I am back to living paycheck to paycheck. I am no longer welcome here. My only option is to move back home and live with my sister until they sell their house… I have nothing and nowhere healthy to go. I’m scared I will soon find myself homeless, because my struggles with mental health make it hard for me to hold jobs. I was doing much better mentally here in Tennessee until my brother told me I have to move out. My brother described it as kicking me out the nest. Even though I spent over 10k helping them in the past year. My brother thinks mental Illness is just something you can stop. So he thinks me not holding jobs is me being immature. He uses the typical passive aggressive phrases that really and truly hurts. I just don’t know what to do I am falling so bad into depression that my room is a disaster ten times worse than it’s ever been because I feel betrayed and alone. I know I am grown, but I didn’t really get a childhood, and I haven’t had too many people care about me. All that I feel like I have left is my birth mother. She has done a lot to make up for not being there when I was a kid, but now she has a tumor in her lungs. She’s literally the only person left who tries to help me in my family. She is the only one I can call and talk to about anything.


From: Micro

Hey @Hoderi,

I’m so sorry that you didn’t get a reply before. What you have shared is so important. It’s a real scream from your heart and I can only imagine how overwhelm you must feel right now. On the top of dealing with a depression, there’s this tornado of bad news that are truly life changing and that you have no control over. You didn’t ask for any of this. It makes completely sense to feel stuck or hopeless when it feels like life is crushing you down. You are not completely out of resources though and you are definitely not failing. As you’ve said and understood very rightfully, your brother doesn’t really seem to understand what you’re going through. A lot of people believe in self-empowerement as being the ultimate response to any mental health struggle. They believe depression is a matter of motivation and laziness while it litteraly affects us on so many levels, including biologically.

You have grown in different ways throughout the last couple of months that your family might not be aware of, but you can be sure that we see it here. I see how much you try despite life throwing punches at you. How much you build resilience even when it hurts. There is so much strength within you my friend, even you probably never asked for it. I believe in you so much.

When it feels like everything is falling down, we need to restrict our focus on less aspects/struggles. Small steps as they say. If you had to focus on one priority right now, what would it be?

Right now, it certainly looks like a mountain, on the of feeling heartbroken by someone you were trusting dearly. I promise you that this mountain can be overcome, little by little. You are not alone and you are not going to be alone through this journey. Please keep reaching out. Share some updates with us here. I would like to hear from you and have no doubt that so many of us would love strategizing some action steps with you. We may not be physically present, but all together we can try to make our experiences something that could help you move forward, and in a healthy way.

These are stressful times with lots of transitions and unknown in front of you. You will be okay. You will manange to process and strategize what needs to be done. We’re in this with you. :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

Your brother doesn’t understand. He has yet to attain the emotional maturity and wisdom to understand. That he took your money and is now forcing you out, is evidence of missing maturity.

Like Micro, I wish I’d seen this post earlier. I hope you life is more settled now. There may be agencies near you that can help you find a place to live. I hope either that or something better is possible.

1 Like

It hasn’t settled now. I am more torn than before. I have friends in family in Va that want me to move home. But I fear I will just be moving home to sit alone again, because people just talk. Moving home guarantees that I will be depressed for months after moving because I will no longer have my own space again and I would be sleeping on a couch in a house full of kids. Moving back to Va is a safe and comfortable choice but there is a chance I will fall back into bad things. My fire department has become like a family here in TN and I have one friend outside it.moving here has done so much for me and I feel like I can grow to what I want to be here, but it’s a terrifying choice, because I am still alone out here. The other firefighters have lives and families. If I make one wrong move here I could end up homeless. I know which one is the better choice, but I am so tired of being alone all the time and I can barely afford to survive on my own so I can’t get a dog which would help me dramatically. Can someone give me advice? Any advice I get from people I know is biased.


I make too much for any agency to assist me that I know of. My big issue is I have a wage garnishment that sits over my head. But until now I have been so bad off mentally that I couldn’t hold a job long enough to begin paying it off. At this point because of bills and garnishment I can’t afford a place that cost more than $800 and places like that don’t exist around the area of TN I live in or in the Va area I’d be moving back to. Life is truly starting to feel hopeless.

1 Like

Sometimes you can find really affordable living situations on Craigslist. There are house sharing offers as well. I’ve had that problem in the past. I made too little to live, but too much to receive help. That was 40 or so years ago. It was a daily struggle, but it worked out.

No affordable housing everyone on Craigslist wants $1k a month just to rent a room. It worked out for you then , but it won’t for me. I have no place to go except on a couch in a house filled with 4 kids and a meth head.

1 Like

Tell your brother you can’t move unless he helps get you into another do able living situation. He has 10k of your money. You have a right to expect some help. Could you stay with your mom? There are agencies that are focused on preventing homelessness. If you maintain the belief there’s nothing out there for you, there’s no chance of you finding, or even looking for that rare opportunity that you need. You may also benefit from some pro-bono legal services to get the amount of your garnishment reduced. Try dialing 211, and see what advice, help or referrals they have to offer. When it comes to independence, living on the couch of a drug addict isn’t likely to help in that direction.

Do the people you work with know of your situation? Do you have a vehicle? Is there a campground somewhere close?

Knowing there is a solution out there for you, will help you find it. Telling yourself there are no answers will leave you stuck.

My brother won’t help me find a place. He has agreed to cosign on a place if I find one here. And that is proving tough as Gallatin Tennessee is quickly becoming a popular place to live. A lot of people are moving from Texas and California and the rent is going up here. As for living with my mother, that isn’t an option. My mother lives with her boyfriend and his mother. I lived there for 9 years and the toxicity in that household caused a lot of problems that I just recently got past. I will try the 211 thing. I know there is a solution, it is just a painful one. My life really turned around when I moved away from home. And I want to stay here, but it seems I will be moving back to Va.

1 Like

I hope it doesn’t come to that. I saw a hostel on Craigslist where you get a small room for $140.00 a week. There were a few places for six to seven hundred dollars a month. Here’s the hostel link:

I think it’s kinda close to Gatlinburg.

I am looking. I have a friend trying to get me to find a place near them. And it is rather cheap where she lives. Part of my issue is finding somewhere I can afford while not having to take a lower paying job. I don’t have any experience that is valuable and no way to get good jobs. So I am stuck doing warehouse work.

1 Like

I’ve worked a lot of shit jobs, many at or near minimum wage. I think I was around 27, when I read a book that mentioned among other things a sure way to advance. “Whatever you’re asked to do, go the extra mile.” In daily practice, it means to do a bit more than what is expected of you. Once you get used to doing that, it no longer feels like a big deal, but one surprising benefit is that rather than feeling totally managed and controlled by the employer, your initiative is a means of self-expression. It also expresses a unique form of integrity that virtually all employers take notice of. It’s a way of no longer feeling pushed, but instead, you’re pulling them in a positive direction.

Some employers suck. Going the extra mile will result in them saying, “you should’ve done more,” or “why didn’t you do more?” In those cases, you’ll still feel better about yourself for having done a good job in spite of them being assholes. You also gain the advantage of having a habitually good work ethic, which will serve you well when you finally do work for decent people.

I cleaned toilets for seven years. Someone laughed because he heard me singing Ray Steven’s song, “Everything is Beautiful,” while cleaning a toilet. I kept the poopers immaculate, and went home feeling pretty decent. All that toilet cleaning led to a big raise and being put in charge of a warehouse and delivery fleet. It wasn’t just the toilet cleaning. I worked on my communication skills and took some night school courses.

A year at a warehouse and a good reference = valuable experience. Any honest job is honorable and deserves respect.

It’s worth weighing a lower paying job relative to the cost of living in an area. Sometimes a lower paying job offers the experience required to get a higher paying one. My son in law went to work at Subway, at just a bit more than minimum wage, and stayed with it for a few years, then became a manager. A while later, Firehouse subs offered him more money, and pretty quickly, made him a regional manager. He’s doing pretty well there. They even provide him a company car.

People who wait tables till they get good at it, can go to work for an upscale restaurant and make $125.00 - $150.00 an hour.

It might be worth considering taking some classes that will increase your marketability, or learn about something you’d really like to do.

Anyhow, I’m pulling for you. As Red Green (a Canadian comedian) often said, “were all in this together.” If you want a few folksy laughs, keyword his name on Youtube.

I appreciate you showing that I care but to admit my truth. I don’t care about it anymore. Yeah I will keep trying because that is me, but I have lost all hope in life. I get we have to love ourselves first. And I do most days. But I’m miserable, I’m ready for my journey in life to be over. Every day I think about how much I want to die because I don’t matter. I don’t matter to family. I don’t matter to people I thought were my friends. I have noone and nothing. I’m sorry but people caring over the internet isn’t the same. You can’t feel that love. And that is what it boils down to I want to be loved. Without that having a job, a stable life none of that matters. I have been alone my whole life. I have always been that special Ed kid with a fucked up lip. Now at 32 I lay in my bed and cry because it hurts how alone I am. How as much as you say there is help out there. There isn’t, maybe there was more help out there when you were younger but that isn’t the case anymore. And sadly we aren’t all in this together. Most people don’t give a shit about others. Only reason I come to this app is I can say how I feel without people in my life judging me for still being a broken piece of shit at 32.