My Life has No Value

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I’m so tired of being worthless. I’m so tired of being a loser. I’m fucking tired of being pathetic. I’m fucking tired of being disgusting. I hate how I look, talk, act, move, behave. Everything about me is shit. I hate being trans. I hate this shit so fucking much it hurts so much. Why can’t I be normal? Why couldn’t I be born feminine? Why do we have to live in a world where gender and sex have to be seen as the same? Why can’t we express ourselves the way we want? How is that I live in conditions better than most people, especially most trans people, yet I’m fucking depressed. It makes no sense. My life has no fucking value. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I can’t be smart, funny, kind, take a fucking joke. I have zero confidence. I’m always awkward. People barely understand me when I talk because I’m so quiet and stutter every single fucking time. I hate looking at what’s in the mirror. It’s wrong, it’s putrid, it’s gross, it doesn’t deserve to exist.

It doesn’t fucking help. None of it fucking helps. I keep looking up suicide resources and articles and advice and videos and they don’t fucking do anything. I still hate myself and always will. I try wearing women’s clothing and I still get misgendered, it doesn’t fucking matter. I’ll always been seen as something I’m not. Even if I was, I’d still be an awkward loser. Being a she/they makes the most sense to me but I have no one to talk to about this. Nobody else sees me as how I see myself. Fuck this, I’m a piece of fucking dog shit. I wish I had the courage to kill myself.

I don’t know why I do this. I don’t know why I’m like this, I just don’t understand. I hate being me so fucking much. The only tiny sliver of fucking anything to look forward to is getting on estrogen, and even then I don’t know if that’ll actually fucking happen because HRT is SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE! FUCK!! My parents don’t even like me wearing EYELINER. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I’m sick of being me. It hurts so fucking much. I can barely even cry. What the fuck is wrong with me?

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I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. Being trans is not always easy but you are a valuable and wonderful human being and you deserve happiness.
I don’t know where you live but I found the number of Trans lifeline in the US/Canada: Phone: 1 877 565-8860; (877) 330-6366 (Canada)
I also found the Trevor Project LGBTQ+ Helpline: Phone (24/7): 1-866-488-7386
Text START to 678-678
On the website you can also chat https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

I know there is IRL help out there too, where I live the local mental health center offers group support for trans people. I hope you are able to find support in your environment, you deserve that because you don’t have to do this alone :heart:
If you are out of the US I could look for resources in your country.
I am rooting for you!

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@bami_enby Your life has value because you have breath in your lungs. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a really rough season, and we’re here to support you and push you though this. Nothing is wrong with you; you’re doing your absolute best to keep afloat and you’re doing a great job. The world would be less-bright without you in it, so I need you to hold on until the storm passes. It sucks, it hurts, I know - but you can do this. I believe in you. You’re loved.

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I’m just tired of being me. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and all I see is a worthless, disgusting piece of shit. I can’t make these thoughts go away. I hate myself so fucking much

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Hey my friend. You’re loved. I don’t know you personally, but i am glad you’re here. I’m glad i get the opportunity to respond to you today, to help shoulder some of the burden today. heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - My Life has No Value - HeartSupport / Support - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 6 April 2024 | Loom

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