My life is hopeless

i recently turned 18, and youd think that its a GOOD thing. but to me, its just another year of my epilepsy causing me to be afraid. ever since Cameron Boyce passed away (from an epileptic episode), i have lived in fear of the same thing happening to me. over the past few years my seizures have been getting steadily worse, and i am so scared that something will happen and i wont wake up. to make matters worse, i have been struggling with my mental health. i have considered suicide sometimes, and attempted it too. my mother has no idea that i am struggling, and she only makes it worse, by calling me names that she KNOWS full well destroy my confidence, which is now in the negatives. i have found solace in music, but it doesnt seem to be working anymore. i dont see a reason to keep fighting, but i know that its harder to fight than it is to give up. i have tried to give up, but just cant. but i also cant find the strength to keep going, not through everything happening to me. my family, though large, doesnt seem to care about anything i m going through. i used to have dreams of singing on The voice, but now i just want to crawl under a rock and die. please help.

Hey friend,
My heart goes out to you in this time. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be in our situation, though I think I can relate a bit. When I was 18, I went through a time with my mom where she said really hurtful things that added to my struggles. Music was a huge help to me as well, and turning to the people in my life who could speak truth louder than the negativity. I hope you hear this friend, you matter so much and you’re fight to stay is amazing. You are making huge steps to not give up even if it doesn’t feel that way. I know how scary health issues can be. One of my best friends has seizures and its never certain when he’ll have one. No matter what, he’s supported and looked after. I hope that you have people in your life that look out for you too. If you don’t, we got you right here. You’re our family. We will encourage you to chase your dreams and support you in the journey. Please stay and keep letting us into your story. Love you friend, hold fast.

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thank you so much. thats all i have to say. thank you