hi:)
I feel alone all the time, even though I have 3 sisters who are my best friends and 2 other best friends. I know they love me and everything but its impossible for me to open up all the way, im scared they’ll leave me or realize the qualities about me that so many other people see. I get really anxious all the time and i can’t sit still or think about myself for too long without having a pit in my stomach. I hate a lot of decisions i made, even tho thyer’e all stupid things I shouldn’t even care. I just care so much about what other people say and think about me and I think they’re right. I hate people and I hate the way they make me feel. Why can’t they just stfu and care about themselves. I genuinely try to be so nice and I help everyone out when they need anything, yet they don’t care about me or look out for me when i need anything, they just make it worse. Especially this year all of my friends at school dropped me, they still talk to me and we’re “friends” but they don’t care if im there or not and won’t invite or check on me. They know I have so much anxiety and I let people walk all over me, yet they have now turned their backs and make it all worse for no reason. I feel like I don’t deserve to be there or be friends with them anymore and the fact im stuck there all year 3 hours from home kills me. I tried to talk to my sisters and best friends but I get scared to tell them everything because I don’t want them to feel any type of way or ruin how they think of me. I am an annoying, insecure, push over that just wants out
Hi!
I’m really glad you decided to share how you’re feeling. It takes courage to be so open, especially when you’re dealing with anxiety and feeling like people have turned their backs on you.
It’s tough when it seems like those around you don’t care or aren’t there for you in the way you need. It can feel like you’re trying your best to help and be nice, only for it to go unnoticed or even backfire. I’ve been in situations where I felt like I was bending over backward to make sure others were okay, and then felt alone when I needed support. It can leave you feeling like you’re not enough, even though you are.
It sounds like your anxiety is really affecting how you see yourself and your relationships. I also struggled with worrying about what others thought of me and beating myself up for decisions that seemed trivial in hindsight. Sometimes, I found it helpful to write down my feelings or talk to one trusted person I felt safe with. It wasn’t about unloading everything at once but sharing little by little helped ease the weight I was carrying. It also made it easier for them to understand where I was coming from.
You mentioned having three sisters and a couple of best friends who love you. It’s understandable to worry that opening up fully might change how they see you, but it sounds like they genuinely care. I’ve found that sharing small pieces of what I was going through helped me feel less anxious about judgment, and over time, those relationships became stronger.
I hope you know that you’re not annoying or a burden, even if it feels that way. Wanting support and kindness isn’t asking too much. Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and remember that your feelings matter.