My little brother was in the army he had four kids

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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
My little brother was in the army, he had four kids. And my three kids were happy with him being a big part of our life. Two years ago he took his own life… I felt… Feel so… Empty without him… Like… I should have done better to help him… To be there for him… Like I failed him… Failed his family… Our family… Like if I had been there for him he wouldn’t have taken it that far… Feeling like it’s my fault… I’m sorry Sean… I miss you, we miss you and will always love you…


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Oh dear friend. I’m so sorry for your loss. Long a sibling in such a sudden, brutal way, is a trauma that words are not enough to describe. I wish Sean and you had so much more time together as well as with his family. There was without a doubt a future and road paved in front of you, and it’s a profound injustice that you didn’t get the chance to explore it together.

It’s horribly painful to grieve all the things that should have been. As someone who lost my big brother suddenly - to different reasons -, my heart goes out to you. It’s hard to grow up together, with the perspective in mind of navigating life’s challenges as we go, side by side. It’s just a fact, something unquestioned. The perspective of not partnering in life anymore can’t be imagined. Then… to be the one who has to continue without them, abruptly, while carrying their name and memory. It’s purely unfair. It forces you to deal with a heavy, unwanted silence all the time.

I want you to hear, even just from a stranger right here, that what happened was not your fault, friend. It really wasn’t. I didn’t know your brother or his story, but I’ve struggled myself with suicidal thoughts, and when we reach this cycle we can find ourselves stuck in a kind of tunnel vision that makes it difficult to see beyond it. We may know that we are loved, that people are there for us, but reaching out feels blurred and very distant. It’s not anyone’s fault really. What you did is that you loved him. Reading your words there is no doubt that you loved him with all your heart, and he certainly knew it. You know even when we don’t explicitly say “I love you”, there are words, behaviors and experiences that speak for it. It’s really hard to not re-write the story somehow, to not think about all the what if’s. Somehow, it helps create meaning in the midst of a situation that doesn’t seem to make any sense. But you are not at fault, my friend. There is no guilt to be held there. :heart:

@@HeartSupport Thank you.