Things have gotten worse since my last thread. I really don’t know what to say. My life has been turned upside down and if I’m being totally honest I started having suicidal thoughts for the 1st time in decades yesterday.
Yes, I have reached out for therapy but haven’t heard back yet. So I’m trying to go through this logically but it’s hard. I just don’t want to be in this place anymore, I don’t want to make the choice I have to make. I’m tired of being the strong one who can handle anything thrown at me because it might actually kill me.
I’m not going to share the specifics for reasons but… I am not doing well.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling, it is hard to deal with suicidal feelings. And it can make you very tired, so I hope you are able to take some rest or do something that gives a bit of energy.
And at the same time I am proud of you for having reached out for therapy. I hope you hear back from them as soon as possible. In the meantime if you really feel like you might hurt yourself, please reach out to crisis resources
This is just a short message, but I see you, I see your pain, and I care about you. You matter to your family, you matter to your baby girl, you matter to us here, you matter to me.
This pain and realization you’re going through are awfully brutal and are the kind that turns your world upside down. You didn’t ask for any of this, and it’s absolutely valid to feel tired of having to be strong, of having to push through, of having to consciously make the decision to keep breathing.
I’m proud of you. For being here, for being you, for reaching out and seeking support during this painful time. Hopefully your therapist will get back to you soon - in the meantime, rely as much as you need on your family and on us here. Vent it out, scream, cry, or even to stay still with friends by your side - whatever is needed for you. We’re in this with you.
It feel like it comes in waves, huh. Like it’s the “bad stuff tsunami” and it wrecks everything.
I’m so proud of you for reaching out and talking to others. It’s hard to feel like the strong one and have to shoulder all of the worry and stress. Please take some time to yourself. Make yourself a priority. Even if it’s a cup of tea. Or lock yourself in the bathroom scrolling on your phone away from everyone else. I hope this season passes quickly for you.
I didn’t want to say anything before, but I have confirmation now that I recently had a miscarriage. Test was negative this morning. I think the pregnancy and resulting miscarriage were the biggest cause of my stress and I only realized it in hindsight.
I’m hoping my luck starts to change now, they say bad things come in 3s.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear that. My heart cries for you. I don’t know what to say other than that I send you virtual hugs. And hope you have someone to help you cope with the miscarriage
