So first I have to say that English isn’t my first language, but I hope that you can understand me.
So I’ve been having depression since I turned 15, till today where I’m “16.5”. There is a really long story behind it, but to make it short I’ve experienced many physical symptoms but didn’t get any explanation from the doctors I went to, so I got panic attacks and started imagining me getting really sick.
After a while, I went to a psychotherapist and started therapy after she diagnosed me with depression (even tho I think I’m having Social anxiety as well). I’ve been able to function well but lost almost all interests in my biggest passions and started being alone and avoiding social situations. Even tho therapy is almost over, it didn’t really help me nor did my family, they just tell me that I make them angry and negative when I’m around them. I mean I’m having “low-grade-depression”, which means that I’m not suicidal, but I still can’t really experience Fun, motivation, or some sort of positive feelings. Now the thing is that I’m having soooo many ideas on how I could change my life for the better (Im still thankful for therapy and so on), that I cant even realize them. I make plans and prioritize but I never stick to it. The most common feelings I experience are Anger, beeing jealous, feeling weak, and literally questioning so many things about my personality. But I realised since Im at a point where School is going to get really hard, because Im getting closer to graduating that I Can’t go on like that… Whats your advice for me??? Should I try antidepressants? I mean my life is having no Order and so much chaos that I dont even know where to start, I’ve lost a few friends because of my Depression and became so “lazy and Dumb”. My mind is such a mess, if you combine depression with puberty and worring about so many things anyway…
Hi friend,
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now. You asked at the end of your post if you should try anti depressants. You know, for years I was so terrified of trying them out. And later I felt a little bit of regret for not working the courage up to do it sooner because even though it took a while to find the right medication that worked for me, when I did, it made all of the difference.
One thing I encourage you to be mindful of is, sometimes when starting medications, people will give their opinions on certain medications and encourage you to try to take something or not to. Know that medications work differently for everyone and what does or does not work for someone else may or may not work for you. So go into it open minded and aware but be sure to work with your doctor on medications and be open and honest on how it effects YOU! Don’t let someone else’s experience interfere with your journey.
I always like to talk to my best friend about my medications because I know she will share her experience and inform me about what she knows but she never tells me to or not to take something.
It was an emotional roller coaster for me to find the right medication but when I did it made a huge difference on my day, my energy and over all how I felt. Having something to help me sleep and being able to have more control over that also helped. Just know that anti depressants are only part of the help. Having therapy and being willing to do things to help yourself feel better also are a huge part of the process.
I hope that you are able to find the strength and courage to talk to a doctor about that and that you find something that works for you. 
Never be ashamed to do that.
Much love
- Kitty
Hey Vic!
I appreciate your courage to reach out and share your story on HeartSupport. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time at the moment.
First off, don’t feel bad for being “stuck.” Recovery isn’t a one-size-fit-all situation and can vary from person to person. It took me years to really get to a place where I felt like I overcame ALL the obstacles and baggage in my life. I’m glad to hear that therapy has helped and that you’ve even identified plans for self-improvement!
My advice is to never give up the battle—as cliche as that may sound. It’s good to hear that you have the motivation to fight back against your depression! I hope you can hold onto that for the long haul.
It’s also nice to have people who can truly listen to what you’re going through. I know that sharing with friends and family may be embarrassing, but I want to say that HeartSupport always has your back with loving people and other resources that may help.
Hang in there! Depression isn’t the easiest thing to overcome, but you’re a rockstar for sharing!
Best,
Brian
Hey @Vic,
Thank you so much for sharing.
It sounds that there’s a lot going on in your mind right now, a lot that happened to you in a short amount of time and it makes you think about many different things at the same time. So first of all: you’re gonna be okay. 
It’s normal to feel lost and having so many questions, stress, emotions arising when you’re learning to find some peace and to take care of your mental health.
After a while, I went to a psychotherapist and started therapy after she diagnosed me with depression (even tho I think I’m having Social anxiety as well). I’ve been able to function well but lost almost all interests in my biggest passions and started being alone and avoiding social situations.
I’m really glad to hear about your therapy. Receiving a diagnose for depression can be disturbing at first. But it sounds that you gained a certain amount of knowledge from it, a way to understand yourself better.
Losing your interest in the things you used to like is common when you have a depression. Not saying it to diminish your own experience of course, only to emphasize the fact that you’re really not alone. I’ve been there too. And it was certainly the most heartbreaking aspect of depression to me. I wanted to be able to do what I love again, but I couldn’t. Zero motivation, zero desire. Somehow, I had to force myself to give a try to some activities again, but it felt very artificial at first. Fortunately, as I started to be able to handle the effects of depression in a better way, I also started to regain some interest in the things that I love. But it has been very progressive.
Don’t lose hope, friend. This interest that you lost isn’t gone forever. It’s also a matter of patience, of pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone sometimes, but also to learn to live with the effects of depression in a way that is healthier for you. 
And who knows, maybe it could be also an opportunity to try something new. Something that might suits you more regarding on how you feel these days.
Even tho therapy is almost over, it didn’t really help me nor did my family, they just tell me that I make them angry and negative when I’m around them. I mean I’m having “low-grade-depression”, which means that I’m not suicidal, but I still can’t really experience Fun, motivation, or some sort of positive feelings.
I was diagnosed with a dysthymia. And how it manifests to me is really close to what you describe. I can experience any emotion and I can function normally. But it requires an insane amount of energy to me. I also have a kind of nostalgia-sadness feeling almost all the time. Like always at the edge of sadness, being regularly very depressed, but never being happy for a significant time. Most of that is not visible. So when I had to explain that to my faimly it was… quite a struggle. Because I was giving them a different understanding of who I was. A perspective they never considered before.
Receiving a diagnose is a shock also for our beloved ones. They need time to adjust to this reality. But I’m sorry your parents weren’t more supportive until now. I hope you’ll find a way to communicate altogether that would be helpful to everyone. For you to be understood and supported, for them to understand but also to take care of themselves. Maybe your therapist could help you to do that?
Now the thing is that I’m having soooo many ideas on how I could change my life for the better (Im still thankful for therapy and so on), that I cant even realize them. I make plans and prioritize but I never stick to it.
That’s super positive, to have this motivation, to be inspired and have so many ideas! Just take your time, friend. Don’t try to do all at once, even if it’s very tempting to do that. Because maybe you don’t stick to it because it represents too many changes at the same time. Habits, plans need time to be applied, to be changed. Take it easy. One step after another. Focus on working on one thing at first. And when you feel that you’re comfortable with it, then you’ll be in better conditions to add and try something else.
The most common feelings I experience are Anger, beeing jealous, feeling weak, and literally questioning so many things about my personality.
It’s absolutely normal to have so many feelings and questions. Somehow, you’re getting a better knowledge of who you are, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. It’s okay. We all need this kind of moment when we feel a bit lost and ask ourselves many questions. It makes me think of a quote of H-D.Thoreau: “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”. You’re gonna be okay.
Should I try antidepressants? I mean my life is having no Order and so much chaos that I dont even know where to start, I’ve lost a few friends because of my Depression and became so “lazy and Dumb”.
Well, some people can’t handle sharing their life with someone who’s depressed or, more generally, who’s struggling. It’s their loss. But I’m sorry you lost them at the same time. You’re absolutely not “lazy and dumb”. It’s more complex, but you know that. 
About antidepressants, I’d say: it has to be your choice. You’re still young, antidepressants have a range of side-effects and I think it’s important for you to be informed about that before you take your decision. Just like for any other medication. I can only encourage you to talk about it with a doctor, ask their opinion and get all the informations that you need. I personally never took any antidepressant. But I know it truly helps some people. It really depends on where you are in your own life, but also what you expect from a possible medication.
Also, if you feel like school is getting difficult, don’t hesitate to talk about it to your teachers, your parents (?), your friends so they could help you. I understand the pressure you can have with the perspective of the graduation. But whatever happens, your health remains a priority. Taking care of you is actually what will help you to reach your goals, to keep going on.
You’ll be okay. You’re already doing the things that you need to take care of yourself. It’s okay to navigate in some uncertainty. You’ll find your answers. Just take it easy. Give yourself some space and time everyday to relax, to try new activities, maybe give a try to journaling so you can let your questions and thoughts out of your mind for a moment.
Hold fast.