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My mom is dying very young to early onset Alzheimer’s. She has moments of clarity and cries a lot lately about how she doesn’t want to leave us, and I see the despair and fear in her eyes as she watches her world and everyone she loves slowly fade out of view. It’s horrific.
My Grandfather had early onset Alzheimer’s and I have seen first hand what it can do to someone. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing what you are going through with us. <3
Horrific…it is like experiencing her death a thousand times over - it is tragic and traumatic and heart-wrenching. To have to watch someone knowing that they’re dying a slow death and re-realize it over and over. And to have nothing you can do, but be in the pain with them. It’s one of the hardest things you could ever go through. And no one can understand the pain with you - no one understands the depth of relationship you have with your mom, and the tragedy you are living in daily. It’s so hard to not feel just absolutely alone - because the person who’s with you in the pain is also not totally capable of being /with/ you. So you pour out, and you support, and you hold space, and you love, and you cry, and you cry, and you hold her, and you’re empty. And few people could ever know how to give you the same - to fill you back up - to help you do the same thing all over again the next day. That kind of tax can hollow you out and leave you a husk. But the duty doesn’t end because you’re tired. Life doesn’t slow down. Work doesn’t stop. Which is a tragedy in and of itself that it feels like life goes on without mourning with you. But it also is like the conveyer belt beneath your feet pulls you forward whether or not you have the energy to take another step. So you keep going, and you wonder how, because you’ve never been this low, this empty. But also, it’s not for you, it’s for her. And so you march on.
Hey there!
I’m truly sorry to hear about your mom’s struggle with early onset Alzheimer’s. It must be incredibly painful to witness her going through this difficult journey, and I can only imagine how heart-wrenching it must be to see her moments of clarity amidst the confusion and despair. Your love and support mean the world to her, even if the disease makes it hard for her to express it. Please remember that you’re doing your best in an incredibly challenging situation. If there’s anything you’d like to talk about or if you need resources or support, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You’re not alone in this, and there are people and organizations out there who can provide guidance and comfort during this difficult time 
Keep your head up! You’ve got this 