I used to look up to my mom. Through my Dad’s abuse, she would always tell me that we could stick together and do this together but… im realizing that doesnt mean what i thought.
I remember when i was probably no older than 10, my mom was drunk. I mean really drunk. She started sobbing on me and venting. She started telling me how she needed me. How i was her only sense of happiness because things were bad. I didnt think about it at the time but… thats not something you should up on someone that young.
I guess i realized that her “needing” me wasnt affection. I’m so tired of trying to keep her alive. I’m tired of trying to tell her i’m there for her. I’m still a minor. I cant handle this. Why should it be my responsibility to keep her happy? I always told her i’d get a job so we could move out. I always told her i’d get us out of there but at this point, she’s more unbearable than my father. My dad’s gotten better but she’s so much worse. Shes depressed to the point she wont take care of herself but she wont do anything about it.
I dont wanna have to deal with her adult issues anymore. I cant handle alcoholism. I cant handle her depression. I cant do this. I want a mother, not someone who uses me to feel better about herself.
That’s really a lousy situation to be in. There may not be anything that you can do to fix it. You must do what you can to ensure you’re own mental health. If you let her issues where you down, things will only get worse.
If you are in a position to get a job, it might be really good for you. It will help with your confidence and independence. It’s also an opportunity to be away from a depressing and oppressive family situation.
You can’t fix your parents. You can state plainly what you need from your parents. For example, tell your mom that you need for her to be supportive, not excessively needy. Tell them that you need parents who try to do some parenting. Saying such things may not help, but you might feel a little bit better after saying them.
My dad was an alcoholic. I usually just stayed away from him.
It’s definitely not your responsibility to keep your mom happy. If anything, it should be the other way around.
If is possible, find a counselor or someone you can talk to. That may help you to hang on until you are independent.
It would be great if you could convince her to seek help. Her alcoholism, self-care deficit, excessive emotional dependence on you, and depression may have been triggered by past abuse.
TheRats that is a lot I am so sorry you are dealing with even a small amount of this. My own personal mother would use me as her venting person. I would be told things that were so hurtful about my family or others I cared about that it took so much for me to combat what it was that was being told to me. Perhaps it would be good for you to find others who understand that. Lean on them. Lean on people who can help by being an ear so you arent carrying all of it. I also hope that yes your dad maybe better now to you but he still hurt you than and that isnt right. I also want you to know that you are not resposeible for either of your parents. Its not your job to parent them or care for them. This is a tough one…
Hey friend! Sorry to hear that the going’s getting tough for ya. Having anybody rely on us for 24/7 emotional support is never a nice experience, and she shouldn’t be using you as her outlet for this type of thing. I know how you feel. A while ago a friend of mine was using me as their suicide prevention system, which put a lot of strain on me and drained me of everything I had. To this day I’m still recovering from that, so I hear your exhaustion and frustration. You shouldn’t have to handle this alone. Have you tried talking to her about it? I know that may seem like an impossible task, and I don’t know how old you are so I’m not sure of your position financially or academically. Maybe, though, getting her to realise that she needs more than what you can offer would help her make the steps necessary to get real help? If not, don’t forget to set boundaries. Even if she’s your mother, it’s not your responsibility to save her. Keep your eyes on your own goals and aspirations, don’t let yourself be dragged down by her problems. You got this! I hope things look up, and you are so loved <:LegoLove:387371584857571328>