Hello
Sorry for posting here, i feel guilty for that
Like 10 minutes ago, and still i have a BIG panic attack, because my mom is just…wishes me to be dead, saying that im the worst person ever, and she isnt giving me my own laptop. Tomorrow i have a defense of project work (i.e. presentation) and i have to finish the presentation, but she isnt giving me that, because “i am not worth it” “i need to just die and thats it” “who cares about your defense?” And this all. I already vented in discord heartsupport that because of my mom i am becoming more angry, and now…i just think that she is right, and i really need to do, what she says. I cant write my friends, because of the parents control on my phone, i even couldn’t come to this site normally, because it didnt allow me. I cant call hotline just because im afraid that she and other family will hear that. I just want to finish this off, i dont want to suffer another day
Im really sorry that you read all my mess that ive wrote, i still feel very desperately
I love the fact that she and my other family completely ignored my panic attack-
Hi Oya Zumi,
I am truly sorry your mother is doing this, it is totally understandable you don’t feel well.
I am glad you were able to find a way around the parent control. Some of the help lines also have a chat function, which would allow you to talk with somebody without somebody hearing you. Crisis Resources | HeartSupport
I don’t really know what to say. I only know you DO deserve to live, because you DO matter. And I hope one of the chat helplines can help you cope with today. And that tomorrow at school you can talk to friends and a trusted adult to help you deal with this. Sending love your way, hold fast!
Sadly that i dont have friends at school:") but thanks. Do you know any good chat hotlines? I just dont know
I feel a lot better right now, but still shaking, maybe because i still have something after panicking
And thank you for replying!
I am glad you are feeling a bit better. If you click the link with crisis resources in my last reply you will find some chat helplines there.
I am sorry to hear you have no friends. I think in your situation it would be the best if you talk to a trusted adult at school. Like a teacher or counselor or school nurse, depending on your school and what is available. Please reach out to one of them and explain your situation. I am rooting for you!
Hi @Oya_Zumi
I am so sorry that you are going through a difficult time. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. I am so happy you are here. Please never feel guilty for reaching out to us; that is exactly what we are here for. This must be very difficult, and I just want you to know that you are not alone. I have dealt with panic attacks before and I know how scary they can be. Something that always helped me was to put an ice pack on the back of my neck and take deep breaths.
You are 100% worth everything amazing and beautiful in this life. You deserve happiness. It is very difficult to feel like you cannot seek the help you would like because of your family situation. Is there any teacher, counselor, or adult at school or in your neighborhood that you speak to? Maybe a counselor at school could give you access to their phone or laptop to continue speaking with us here, do your work, write to friends, and call a hotline when needed.
Please do not feel bad about speaking with us. We are here whenever you need for whatever you need. You can reply in this thread or private message me about anything going on.
I really believe in you. You matter. I am always here. <3
The thing is i tried to click but because in living not in U.S i couldnt do anything
Thank you so much. I am pretty associal so i am struggling even just to ask help to teachers, and i think i couldnt do that
Currently cant talk, going to defense my project soon
Really scared
But thank you so much for supporting!
You are very welcome, we are here to supporr you! I am not sure why as a Non-US citizen you would not be allowed to use a US chat helpline.
If you want I can look for a chat helpline in your country. But only if you are comfortable to share which country you live in. So no pressure whatsover! Just trying to help in case certain sites are difficult to get to with parental controls.
If there are no teachers you feel safe to talk to there might be other adults that can help you. You deserve to be helped 
Ya, i would probably talk here about my problems, even tho i still feel really fuilty and pressured when i do it. Sorry, im not really comfortable to share the info about my country. I will probably just try to talk here, or try to communicate with people and friends on internet
Thank you so much for supporting and this stuff. I really appreciate it! 
If you look at the link I provided there is somewhere a list where there are helplines listed per country. Maybe that way you can find a chat that is helpful.
Please feel free to reach out here. As @Malig3 already said there is no need to feel guilty. We are here to support you, that is exactly the point of this forum. I hope your presentation went well. And I hope things are a bit better today. Hold fast!