Back to heartsupport

My mom's husband is creepy

Glad I made this acc, bc now I have something to talk about.
I have a huge question for myself I’m starting to confuse with insanity and intuition more and more these days. I haven’t realized until now that I might have such a huge problem with trust and safety bc my mom has raised me to overlook it. When I was little I was sourrounded by creepy men, my mom will always deny it but it was so obvious that every man she seemed to encounter was a fucking creepy molestor or rapist, they were all super odd, and by that I mean they would ask me weird questions, tell me weird things, have way too much empathy for me it almost seemed like an obsession. As I got older I learned my dad went to prison for being a child rapist. And that my mom’s other ex husband also went to jail for sexually creepy things as well. Now in life, as I’m older, I’ve noticed that everyone I meet, tends to be a fucking freak. I have always wondered “WHY”, why this was happening to me. Was it just bad luck? Was it manifesting something? Only now do I realize its bc the way I was raised, who I was sorrounded by. I was raised to not even acknowledge my intuition, I don’t think I was even raised to have it. But I did, I just grew to ignore it bc she raised me to feel empathy for the wrong people. To ignore that little feeling that says “you’re probably in danger” instead I ignored it, and got curious, and it would lead to trauma and obsessive paranoia. Now that I realize that, I’m learning I’m going to have to acknowledge my intuition for the first time in my life. I have intuition, I was just taught to ignore it, I’m not stupid, I’ve just been irresponsibly and selfishly raised. But at the same time, I have trouble understanding if I’m seeing the light, or going insane. Could this “intuition” just be full on paranoia? No, bc whenever I feel some sort of attraction like a magnet, I now know they are most likely dangerous. Why? Bc every single person I’ve felt an attraction were highly avoided in school and seen as creeps. Did I ignore that? Yes. Why? Bc I wanted to feel empathy. I ignored my intuition bc I didn’t understand it. I’m not letting that happen anymore, but now that I can see my intuition, I have trouble understanding if my mom’s current husband is another pedophile or “just a fucking weirdass”

For a long time, I have never trusted this, thing. When I first met it, I already hated it. When I discovered my mom was going to *marry* it, I felt betrayed, but since she would be happy I just let it go, treated it as if it didn't exist. It got easier and easier year after year to ignore the freak, but now I'm just, I feel like I'm going insane. Now that I've gotten over alot of traumas and overcome depression, this is my biggest obstacle. Maybe not in the moment, but it gets triggered every time something "off" happens. There have been multiple times I felt like he came into my room at night, waking up terrified and not being able to talk to my mom about it bc she would never listen to me, she's just too in her own head. Plus my only evidence are "my eyes only" I may have multiple povs, but there is still only one pair of eyes who witnessed it. Today it's been triggered again, bc I was walking to my room from the kitchen and that fucking freak did some creepy shit. My mom was there, sitting on the other side of the room, watching TV. I'm tired of telling myself "Im just seeing things" "I could've SWORN, I saw something." Bc that's not confronting it. Now, I want to figure out wtf is going on, why the fuck my mom would marry such a weird peice of shit, and how to prove my point, bc no one will ever listen to me, and the ppl who will don't plan, they overreact. Sometimes the fear gets to a point where I jsut want to stab him, bc then the danger won't be there anymore. It'll all be over. I'll finally be safe. But that's not how u solve problems. And when I get triggered lik that, I begin to question my sanity. Am I going insane? Am I paranoid as shit? Am I sane or not? I'm tired if asking these questions. And idk how to answer them. I need someone else's opinion, even if it probably will never help. I just want to get the fuck out of this house. Please help me.
4 Likes

@Systemofconfusion

Have you contacted to your local police authorities?

One time Woody Allen said, “Even paranoid people have real enemies.” So, your paranoia may be based on reality. At the same time, it’s evident that you are suffering from PTSD, and would do well to seek counseling. I also think you should find somewhere else to live if possible. In some communities, there are shelters for women who feel threatened. Having empathy doesn’t require you to expose yourself to potential threats.

I was raised in a highly dysfunctional family, and in early adulthood, was attracted to dysfunctional relationships. In an unfortunate twist of errant logic, many victims of abuse don’t feel cared for if the abuse is absent. Remember abuse is abuse, whether physical or emotional. Maybe something in your mom’s history has led her to be attracted to unhealthy relationships.

You need to be in a place where you can feel safe, and take time to heal. Call around, and see what help you can find.

2 Likes

I second everything that has been said previously.

You must also realize that the brain in wired to be intuitive. Yes, you may have been desensitized, but that biology is still there. These feelings shouldn’t make you paranoid because they are there to protect you - they always have been. Now that you’re becoming familiar with it, I can understand how it would be confusing, but you feel that there is something off and you’re probably right, because that’s what those feelings exist to do.

I would contact the police or CPS if you are under aged. It is better to assume those feelings are right and get help than assume you are just being paranoid and continue to be subjected to abuse.

1 Like

maybe you should pack food and clothing and run away. That might be safer than being in the house with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.

No bc I have no proof. It’s 10pm now, I was playing games when I heard my doorknob turn. It’s locked. My mom locked it for me. Istg I heard my doorknob turn, but then again I had earbuds in so it’s hard to hear. Something always gets in the way of an answer. Whether it’s bc something blocking sound, I wasn’t paying attention, I saw too quickly, or I was fucking sleeping. Never have proof. But I swear I heard the sound of a doorknob budge slightly.

1 Like

Just a year under adult. I hate this shit, I never have enough proof, or proper proof. When I wake up I decide I was paranoid, when something happens again I freak out, I’ll never be able to know the fucking answer. But istg, if I’m right, I’m chopping his balls off and chopping his fingers and toes along with it. Fucking pedophile.

If I have PTSD, and none of this actually happen, then I have PTSD that literally shouldn’t even exist. Paranoia? Phobia? Idk anymore. When I wake up I’m fine, when something happens again, like he gives me a creepy smile as I walk past him or like how he accidently said something with my name on it as he walked to bed. Since I’m never able to get my proof, I’m just going to reel him in. Think I’m an idiot, give him space, act like idek wtf is going on. And when he walks into my room. Or tries anything one day. I’ll finally get to make my dream of killing him come true… One of my biggest childhood goals, is him dead.

Even if you’re all wrong, and he’s a saint, your present situation isn’t working for you, therefore, you need a change. You may never get the “proof” you are looking for, regardless of how bad your situation is. The sad fact is, proof only manifests after some kind of injury has already taken place. I can’t say whether you’re anxiety is due to something real or imagined. Still, I have no doubt that you need help sorting this out. The qualifier for seeking help is that you feel threatened. The question of “if” you have PTSD is answered by how you feel. Even if it came about via some genetically or chemically induced delusion, the effect is the same - you are traumatized by the experience. Even if you lived in a convent, or Buddhist monastery, and the environment felt similarly toxic, it’s not likely that you would recover a sense of safety and well being while you remained in those circumstances.

Therefore, I’ll say again, find help!

My brother wanted to kill a family member. He didn’t. He ended up being a therapist!

1 Like

runnning away shouldnt be an option under any circumstance. That would lead to a missing persons report and their parents coming to grab them and cause more strain on the relationship of the family. IMO yeah the person may not have much proof . But as they stated their mom locked it for them…