This is a topic from INSTAGRAM. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on Instagram.
Belongs to: It s so important to talk about the monsters rathe
My monsters are all in my head. I self sabotage all the time. I am my own monster!!!
1 Like
This is definitely an important monster to name, and you did well by doing so, friend. It can be intimidating to pause for a minute and out words on our struggles, especially if we’re used to push them aside or hide them from others sight. So thank you so much for inviting us all here to connect with you through sharing this monster of yours.
Reading your words, I feel all the heaviness of this struggle with you. It’s really hard to feel like you are your very worst enemy. That somehow two parts of you would be leading a fight almost constantly. On one side, there is the part that wants to thrive, heal and grow. The part that has dreams and wishes to pursue them, to seize good opportunities when they come up too. Then on the other side, there is the part that pushes you to take decisions you don’t want to take, to retreat from the rest of the world and further away from your own heart. Then you see the combat at play, you understand the intricacies of it, but it also feels like witnessing something you don’t have a say on, which is heartbreaking.
For what it’s worth, I personally use to joke with people close to me that I mastered in self-sabotaging over the years. I’ve been working on myself and seeked support through therapy, and the more I was on this healing pathway, the more I’ve been uncovering layers of self-destruction and complexity within. Although it feels good to understand oneself more, it feels discouraging at times. To me personally, the worst is this feeling of just losing a massive amount of time in my life of waiting. Waiting for the right moment to do something, while knowing that it’s about finding the right time, but taking a leap right here and now. It’s hard to feel this intense craving for life deep inside yet to always default to pushing this voice away. The first reaction is to say in the same patterns, the same routines, for change and novelty are too intimidating.
Somehow, it feels more comfortable and safer to not lean towards what we want do or who we want to be. We avoid taking risks, and that’s the most powerful way to cut the tree from the roots direcly. But it freaking hurts to deal with such a monster inside.
My heart goes out to you, friend. It’s confusing to lead this battle, and maybe in the long run it change for peace between these parts of our mind. Healign takes time, plenty of steps, small or big. And most importantly, to keep allowing ourselves to try, to renew possibilities, to diversify the life experiences we have. Somehow, it’s not when we try that we fail - we can only gain from there. More knowledge, more material to reflect on, more growth overall. I believe you have the ability to get there my friend, little by little. Naming the monster was a huge step already, for this monster is a struggle that is a part of your life, but it isn’t you. 