My mood makes me worry about myself

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Hi, before starting to say anything I want to say sorry for my English. It’s not my first language and I’m trying my best.

A lot of bad stuff happened to me and I feel very very depressed, very sad, I have a lot of stress on myself. My boyfriend said he cannot continue a relationship of 3 years because he does not love me, he tried but he cant. We have known each other for 9 years but whatever… he said he feels like i am not his person. My university makes me stress a lot, family problems as well.

I started having a lot of scidal thoughts and I feel more sad day by day. My mood gets worse and I am very worried about it. I can’t afford help. I am alone, I don’t have any friend. The only friend I had was my boyfriend which left me. We still talk but he is also interested in doing stuff with other women and I get mad at him, we argued a few times and I feel like I’m begging for his time and I just want to give up, to move on and be on myself.

Eventhough I had no friends, i never liked being alone. I am a gamer, I talk to online people, but not that much to make friends or whatever. Even if I would’ve had friends, for a few weeks I feel uncomfy talking to anyone… i randomly get scidal thoughts and I feel like i want to hurt myself, i want to end this pain, i dont know. My heart hurts and i feel like i dont have any purpose in this life.

The only joy i got was from his presence, the time I spent with him and it made me feel like i had bo problems. Even if i was sad sometimes, he could make me happy. Now i’m just all alone, no reasons to smile, to be happy, i feel like a part of me broke, got lost.

I am very confused and I dont know what to do… my mood got me more worried than ever. Its not me, i feel like i am going on a bad path, a negative one, i never felt like this before.

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I’m sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Going through a breakup is one of the most painful things a human can experience.

It sounds as though you felt so close to him that you did not feel the need for other friends. Actually, I feel the same way with my spouse.

You were fully invested in him, and depended on him for your happiness. It’s no wonder that you feel as you do now.

Now you are experiencing a grieving process. At the moment, it feels overwhelming and endless, but because it’s a process, eventually the pain will diminish and become manageable.

What was your life like before you met him? Can it be that way again?

As difficult as it is, you can survive this.

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My life before him was long time ago… we have known each other for 9 years, since we were children. We had periods when we did not talk but we weren’t that close at those times. We liked each other since the begining but we never talked about it because we were scared of ruining a beautiful friendship.

He is a very complicated person, he was in a relationship before us and that girl made him change a lot. I dont know, but he says that he cant feel love, he loves attention, he likes getting love and stuff but he cannot see a future as a serious relationship anymore(marriage, children, moving together etc). I love him that much so I asked him if he wants a future with me so I know what to do because I was desperate… we talked and he explained, he said i am not the person for him, I wanted to accept the fact that he doesnt love me, just to stay with him and have a future with him since he makes me so happy. He says he has feelings like not love, but not appreciation. Its a feeling thats close to love but not love as a partner. I dont know if it has any name in English. He says he does that a lot but he doesnt feel like im the one and he hopes he will find the girl to make him feel love again(thats what i kept wishing him, but I hoped i could be the one. I believed 10000% in myself because i saw that he s happy with me etc). He feels happy if other people around him are happy and also if he gets lots of attention.

We had great memories… and I miss the old him, I wish he wouldnt change and he was the same as before… he was the best guy ever… the only regret of mine and his too is that we didnt start earlier…

I have to answer though, my life before this relationship was good because we still were friends and he did the things he did in the relationship as well, less of them, of course, but meaningful.

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Hey hey ivasera. Thanks for opening up about something that sounds so painful and scary. heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - My mood makes me worry about myself - HeartSupport / Support - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 6 April 2024 | Loom

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