my parents really like to blame me for everything that goes wrong in their lives. nothing really happens in my step moms life she even tells us about how she’s happy and depression isn’t real. she doesn’t realize the things that’ve gone on in my life. i know i can’t say i’ve had the worst life but my life isn’t all that great. i really barely have anyone that cares about me and i’m constantly thinking about killing myself. i try to have one good day, which i was having until i came home from school and got yelled at. my dad never says anything about what she says. a few months ago i tried to od, well not really od but i wanted to be happy so i took more than usual of my pills. and now that’s all she brings up when i do something wrong. i’m finally allowed a lock on my door so i’m great full for that but also it’s the way she’s passive aggressive. which i think means you seem nice but you’re actually being mean like you’re saying it in a joking way. i really should get help but i really don’t wanna go back to the hospital it’s almost been 8 months since i’ve cut and it’s been 11 since i went to the hospital. i’m really not feeling up to doing anything. i want to hang out with my friend but i really don’t wanna hold her down. i’m not sure if i should cut and hide it or just continue living with the pain.
Hi @carmen.p,
Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to be allowed to read you and to know what’s going on for you.
And if you’re not feeling up to do anything for the moment, then I’m really glad you decided to post this message. It’s a first step, and an important one.
I’m sorry your father and your stepmom aren’t more helpful. It can be really difficult to make our parents understand how we feel, what we’re going through and, sometimes, relationships can become toxic in a certain way. But you deserve to feel loved and supported, especially when you’re going through difficult times like now. Know that here, in this community, we sincerely care about you and you matter to us.
There are other solutions than cutting and hide yourself or living with pain. This pain you’re experiencing is not meant to last forever. You’ll overcome it. And I’m proud of you for your 8 months off. You’re really brave and you’re strong. But try not to hide yourself or isolate yourself. I understand why you’re afraid to, maybe, hold your friend down, but if you wanna hang out with her and if you can, then spend some time with her. That’s absolutely okay and maybe she’d like to be here for you too. 
The thoughts of killing or harming yourself are to be considered seriously. It’s really great if you have some perspective over it, but I know this can be overwhelming over time. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Do you think there would be a way for you to talk to your dad and make him understand how you feel? Because it sounds like your relationship with your step mom occupies a lot of space and maybe he don’t really know how to behave in this situation. Also, do you think there could be a way for you to get some help without necessarily going to hospital? Like talking to a counselor and so you could share about things that are going on in your life right now.
Hold Fast, friend. 